Pushing the Limits
When I entered into recovery, I essentially had to let go of everything that I thought I knew to be true in order to create the life that best suited my new perspectives. This meant I had to transform into a new and improved version of myself, my true self. While in my active disease, I had created a facade of who I thought I was. The symptoms of alcohol abuse perpetuated this illusion, and I found myself believing and living this lie. The lie compounded itself through interactions I had in the workplace, with friends and with family and loved ones. The more I built upon this lie of sand and rubble, the shakier my construct became. Until one day, it collapsed. This found me in desperate hopelessness and without a solution I could rely on. Vanessa had failed in living life. I was in survival mode.
As I began to build my foundation of recovery, I have had to delve into what I denied about who I was in the past and begin to remember who I am. In the beginning, letting go of the lies was hard. But as I began to have experiences, I began to see what I loved, enjoyed and desired in my new life and I found magic and possibilities that I could never have previously dreamt of. The strengths that I did not realize were there within me came to the forefront, and I began to see how empowered I could be when I pushed my limits. Poking at and touching the wounds allowed me to clean them out and rediscover the Divine that lives in every one of us.
I lived in a constant state of fear before I entered into recovery. I was afraid of everything and anything that could possibly make me leave the comfort of a bottle. Once I removed the bottle from my life and filled that space with a power I could rely on, my life has been emanating a light that illuminates glorious possibilities, as long as I am willing to receive them. What this has meant for me is that I dig deep into who I previously thought I was and see how far I can push Adventure V in this recovered state. Testing the waters in safe environments was what led to me continually pushing the envelope to see how far I can really go. Knowing my boundaries is vital in pushing my own limits in other areas. If I do not have a reason to be there or if I do not have a person to help, I ask myself what my motives are and continually check them. I also have multiple people who hold me accountable. I began with a sponsor and now have mentors and gurus who fill that role. All of them are fully aware of my history and they know me well enough to give me a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the senses if my wild imaginings seem just a touch out of the recovery lifestyle. Yet, these people empower me to continue to push my limits and help me to dream big without fear. Eliminate as much fear as possible because that is often what is holding you back from reaching your greatest potential.
I started by reintroducing myself into the club scene with sober friends. Dancing was and will always be a huge passion of mine. Without it, I knew I could not live a fulfilling life. Once I started to feel comfortable there, I pushed the envelope a bit more and entered into my first figure competition. The rigorous diet and exercise let me know that I needed to keep my fellowship close as I tested these waters. After I climbed this hill, I began to feel empowered enough to take a leap of faith and move to a destination I had dreamed of calling home: Hawaii. During this time, I had the opportunity to do further healing, studying and developing of my vision for my life. As my plan was created and my mission took shape, I found purpose in my passions leading me on the epic adventure I find myself in today. While I know the changes I have made in my life may be drastic in comparison to others living in recovery, I know that everything happens for a reason and I am being guided and directed on a path that continues to surprise, delight and elate me beyond my wildest dreams. These changes have lead me to working in adventure, finding joy in world travel for work and play and continuing to spread a message of experience, strength and hope along the way. As the big picture takes shape, I know the buck doesn’t stop here. I am readily open to receiving the greatness that my Higher Power has in store for me. I encourage you to be so willing to receiving the goodness that you deserve as well!
Today, I push my limits to show others that they can dream BIG and achieve BIG things! I live a life out loud and I love what I do! I love myself so that I can love you! We do not have to be a victim to our past. We can live a life in recovery selflessly while taking care of ourselves and our dreams. Don’t let life pass you by. You have come so far and have done the work. Dream big or go home. The choice is yours.
Love and light, fellow travelers. You have totally got this!