Lately, I have lacked self-discipline and it is starting to affect my general well-being. I recall that in early sobriety that I was determined to do the work to stay clean and recover. The misery was real and fresh in my mind. There was no way I was going to give up and go back to my old ways.
Two years into my recovery I now find myself stuck. I know that I should get up at 6:00 or 6:30 a.m. to start my day. I should plan out my meals and snacks to keep me from overeating and binging on sugar. I should go hiking in beautiful Colorado where I now call home. I should write my clinical notes for work daily. I should write this blog before my deadline. I am “should-ing” my life away.
I need to be more compassionate with myself. If I take a step back and look at the bigger picture, I am not wrecking my life or my sobriety.
Not yet. There is a whole list of things that I do to stay healthy. I go to meetings, show up at work on time, and act as a great doggie daddy. It is easy for me to get caught up in all the things I am not doing. Soon, that could become all I can focus on. I am noticing that my general mood is declining. For me, this is a warning sign that I need to step up and take action.
So now what? I need to make a list of obtainable goals to accomplish and define why those goals are important to me.
- Wake up at 6:30 a.m. so I will not feel like I have wasted half my day by sleeping in.
- Meditate each morning because I need to re-establish a practice to ground myself.
- Write a gratitude list so I can focus on what is good in my life.
- Go hiking in the mountains or walk through my neighborhood for an hour to increase my energy and overall mood.
Those are four easy goals that I can accomplish at least five days a week. From past experience, I know that once I establish the routine and begin to feel better, my eating habits will naturally become healthier. I won’t need to binge on sweets to help me escape from uncomfortable feelings.
Why is it that we resist the very things that will make us feel so much better? I can sit here in my “shoulds” and self-pity, and look at the happiness and relief that action will bring me. Or, I can commit to these four easy goals that will bring positive change in my life. The longer I choose to take no action, the worse I will feel. I need to keep reminding myself of the misery I felt in active addiction. I am bringing new energy back to my dedication of living a life worth living. Because I’m worth it.