- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Three years ago I went to rehab for my addiction to opiates. Since then I have slipped up three times in recovery. I say this because recovery isn’t always pretty, and it certainly isn’t always easy. I have been clean and sober since November 24, 2013.
Without a doubt the biggest positive changes in my life are the amazing relationships that I have with my family and girlfriend. It went from relationships full of deceit and lies to things of beauty. I have never been closer to my parents, sister and girlfriend. Another massive change was in my career. Over the course of my journey, I went from being a “musician” who just got high and listened to music to signing with a massive international music label. Things are only picking up faster, and none of it would be possible without my recovery.
I hit many “bottoms” in my time using drugs, but none of them seemed to knock enough sense into me. One day I woke up and felt a hole in my life, like something was missing. I remember thinking, “Is this it? Am I just going to keep struggling to get by just so I can get high?” After two weeks of feeling this way, I got an overwhelming feeling that I needed to see my parents. When I got to their house, I told them about the way I had been feeling, and they asked me if I would be willing to go to rehab that day. My mind screamed “no,” but somehow the word that came out of my mouth was “yes.” I believe what led me to my path of recovery was nothing short of the hand of God guiding my life in the direction I was meant to take.
After being sober on and off for about a year and a half, I had my final relapse to date. For the first time, I came clean about my relapse instead of trying to hide it. After seeing how it hurt the people I loved and how far relapsing over and over was setting me back, I finally came to terms with myself and accepted where I was in my recovery. I started focusing on only the positive and not letting the negative affect my happiness and have been sober ever since.
It is true what they say: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Whatever troubles you are experiencing, you will live through them, and you will come out the other side with more knowledge and strength to take on the next thing life throws at you.
I am most happy about the relationships I have today, but I have to say what I am most proud of is my career. I went from not being able to finish anything I started and having hardly any knowledge of the trade to becoming good enough at what I love to make a professional career out of it. It all happened because of the hard work I put in with a clean conscience and a sober mind.
My biggest struggle in recovery is trying to control everything; every detail of everything that life throws at me. It can feel overwhelming at times. I get over it by letting it go. I do what I can about the issue in a timely manner, and then I let it go. I will live. I don’t have to stress over the little meaningless things life throws at me to try and get me down. I won’t be here forever. Why waste my time stressing over things that are out of my control? The serenity prayer helps a lot for me.
I’m now able to have fun no matter what I’m doing. I can be at work, with friends, playing a gig, having fun with my beautiful nephew or just sitting on the couch with my lovely girlfriend, and I feel comfortable in my own skin the entire time. I can enjoy things in the present instead of thinking about how to get my next high or about the bad things I have done in the past. The joy and comfort I experience in every waking moment now that I am sober are without a doubt the most satisfying things to me today.
I was advised to live in the present. This removed so much stress, angst and worry from my life. Because think about it, what are you doing right now? Reading this article right? You’re not paying bills, figuring out how to get high or feeling sad about what happened last year. See how you start to feel bad as soon as I mention things outside of the present? That is what I am talking about. Once you snap back into the present, into what’s happening right here and right now in front of you, everything becomes far more manageable and enjoyable. Right now you have the gift of life, of technology to be reading this, of the freedom to be reading this. Take a second to look around and take in the present. Beautiful isn’t it?
I’m not telling you it is not going to be easy; I’m telling you it is going to be worth it.