- Drugs
My name is Tara. I am 30 years old. I used alcohol, weed, amphetamines, opiates and everything in between. My drugs of choice were intravenous heroin and meth. Though using was fun at first, even for a few years, it quickly changed from a “fun want” to a “100% need.”
I used for 16 years. No matter how hard I tried I could never hold more than 48 hours clean and sober. I have four incredible children I no longer have custody of due to my addictions. I never knew what boundaries were. I had never had a healthy relationship, and I was 100% codependent. I hated myself and did not believe in trust, loyalty, happiness or love. I lost all faith and was completely broken and hopeless. I stayed on the streets for two years. I no longer feared death. I welcomed it.
Throughout the years I went to outpatient treatment two times, inpatient treatment three times and detox four times, but it never stuck, and I never knew why. On November 4th 2011 I checked myself into a treatment program. Although I was ready to die, I wanted to give recovery one last try just to prove I didn’t go out without a fight. And with the help of God this time I did it with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness.
My treatment center ran a cognitive thinking program that taught me many things that I still use to this day. Most importantly, it taught me that I am not hopeless, that I have a disease and that I deserve to live happily as long as I work for it.
I stayed in inpatient treatment for 90 days. The same day I graduated I moved into a women’s sober living home and stayed there for six months. The transition it provided was essential to my sobriety and recovery. During my stay in treatment I was introduced to a 12-step support group of which I am now a grateful member. I attend two to five meetings every week, and I have an absolutely amazing sponsor. I continue to work the 12 steps and am now able to pay it forward by sponsoring other women.
I have a full time job, my own home, healthy boundaries and great relationships. I am no longer codependent. I am content with me, and I regained trust in others and from others. I met my prince charming, the man beyond my dreams. He has shown me nothing but loyalty, honesty and laughter. I’ve found my faith and know that God has never and will never give me more than I can handle. I now have hope to see my children again, when God sees fit. I truly love myself for the first time in my life. I’m finally happy!
Rehab taught me why I did what I did, while my 12-step group teaches me how to live without ever doing it again. I believe the reason it worked this time versus the previous attempts is because before I just wanted recovery in my head, but this time I wanted it in my heart. I never understood how or why I lived through all the things I had done, but now I know it was so I could share my experience, strength and hope with fellow alcoholics and addicts and pass along the message that you do not have to die!
You deserve to live clean, sober healthy and happy! If I can do it so can you! By the grace of God I have over two years clean and sober. Thank you to everyone for everything you have ever done! I love you all!
Tara