- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
It wasn’t easy for Jeffrey to find the root of his problems in life. It took him years to learn that codependency causes him to be unhappy and struggle. Jeffrey describes himself as being Mr. Agreeable, and it is hard for him to explain how this affected him for years. He says, “Nothing was going right,” and he was always angry and upset. He never told the full truth to anybody; he told partial truths to see how far they would go. He wanted other people to be happy with him. He tried to do all he could to make people happy, and he gave himself up completely in the process. “I was a chameleon,” he says. “I was always wearing at least a face mask.” He changed his attitude and the way he lived his life just to please others. Nothing he did was authentic, not to other people and not to himself.
As he started to change, his life started to change. He was a friend of someone in long-term addiction recovery who recognized his struggles, and this friend recommended seeing a therapist. This therapist started to poke at some very painful places, and this caused Jeffrey to notice the things that were not going well in his life. Today Jeffrey is in the process of feeling better, but he still notices old behaviors at times. He has trouble knowing what appropriate boundaries are and setting those boundaries.
Jeffrey now understands that healthy relationships, especially his healthy relationship with his wife, needs the truth. He says, “If I’m so afraid that you are going to leave me if I’m honest, what kind of relationship do I have here?”
Jeffrey recognizes that going to a therapist may not be the right thing for everybody, but he thinks it is important to start talking with someone you genuinely trust. His long-term friend was the first one to confront him, and Jeffrey is very grateful for this.
Jeffrey admits that he used to run to perform for people, to keep in shape for others. After seeing the flier for the Heroes 6k in Leiper’s Fork, TN he decided he wanted to run for recovery.