- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
Describe your journey to recovery.
I hit bottom and started my recovery in Spain. In regards to alcohol and drugs, it spun out of control. I had a moment that I was in an apartment, isolated, so the consequences were already there. I wasn’t in the nice party scene anymore, the glamour was all gone. There was a moment that I remember clearly that it didn’t work anymore and I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I never really related it to the drugs or anything like that. I just thought that there was something wrong with me and I just didn’t know what.
Then, my sister had a friend who was in recovery and he would come to Spain during the holiday and he would go to meetings and my sister said, “Why don’t you just try meetings?” I was so desperate at the time that I just decided to go but I was still in a lot of denial. After setting up a meeting I told her that I was “okay actually and I’m going to be fine. I thought about it and I don’t really need to go.”
Within that same week I ended up in situations again, that I would go out and end up on the top of a mount with somebody who wanted sex from me and I was like, “where am I?” I didn’t really want to give myself to anybody. He said, “well get out then.” I remember walking down and I believe that there are angels.
I didn’t have anything, no money and in the middle of nowhere with this guy and no recollection of how I got there, but I was offered a free ride and made it home. I called and said I was going to come to the meeting. That’s where it started for me. When I first came in I did service and did a lot of things but there wasn’t really a solution at the time; they weren’t emphasizing the steps.
So I am very lucky that people from America came over to Spain to carry the message and that’s how I met my sponsor. That’s when recovery and healing process started for me and I had started to move through the work. Then I understood that it’s a disease and that you need to treat mind, body and spirit.
Initially, I went in and out but when I started to do the work, for me, everything changed. I’ve gotten to experience the spiritually awakening that everyone talks about and now I’m here. God just works miracles in my life and I never know where it’s going to lead me. It’s the big unknown but I am excited about it and I’ve been given life again.
How long have you been in recovery?
I’ve been clean five years. I was introduced to the programs about eight years ago but I was in a relationship that I was more concentrated on. When the time came, I put all these things to the side and put my recovery first. I didn’t realize until later that I didn’t have a choice in taking drugs or alcohol so once I accepted that I was able to see that I am an addict. That’s when I completely surrendered. Everything went out of the window and I started to commit to the program and get involved in things like setting up meetings and by being of service to others. No matter what’s around the corner I know that I am taken care of and that God’s got my back.
What is one truth you have learned through your process?
That God is. My relationship with God and I choose love today, I am no longer running on fear. Fear doesn’t make choices for me today. I have honesty and the principles of the program. Even now my ego can rebuild and that I need to get back on the path when that happens. So I need to talk with my sponsor, be accountable and speak about all these things so I don’t fall back into the disease. I’ve made it clear to my co-workers (we travel a lot) that my recovery comes first. If I don’t have that, I don’t have anything. That is also a truth that I have learned.
What is the relationship with your family like?
I used to hate my mother. I used to hate her guts. I was a very spoiled child. My father died from his addiction to cocaine because his heart stopped. Subconsciously, I blamed my mom for that and I was the victim. She left when I was about 15. She just couldn’t cope with me and my sister. The amends process was just like… wow. I get goosebumps just talking about it; it all transformed into love. The whole lie just dissolved. There was no room for that. There was always drama with us and my sister but now things have changed.
Do you have any words of encouragement for someone who is struggling?
Have an open mind. Lay aside everything you think you know and just do the action and the rest will fall into place. Don’t think about it too much, just do it. That was my experience. I got trust and things started to happen. The trust turned into faith.