- Alcohol
by Susanna J
I am a German, living in the USA, near Paducah, KY. I got sober at Michael’s House.
As I heard from my doctors that I had to give up drinking and drugging or I wouldn’t live any longer, I honestly thought that life as I knew it was over. I couldn’t imagine a life without alcohol, as it was so normal in my daily routine. My drinking and drugging life was packed with parties, joy and fun before. I’m the epitome of a party girl! I thought that I couldn’t smile anymore if I gave up drinking. My view of the future was so dark and negative that I wasn’t sure if THAT LIFE would be worth living. My doctor told me, “Give up drinking or die.” When I came home, my husband asked what the doctor told me, and I said, “I have to die!”
A couple months later, I made the decision to stay alive. I wanted to stay longer on this earth even without ever smiling or laughing again. I won’t be in a restaurant or bar ever again. I will never go dancing again or join the ski circus in winter. I was sure that I would never have friends again since “non-drinkers” seemed to me so unbelievably boring and that I was way better without them. I sold my smile for staying alive and was OK with that decision, even quite unhappy. It was better being locked up in the house sober and alone than dead.
Over the time that I became sober, which is 18 months now, I was struck with many surprises about my life. But one of the best things about life in sobriety for me is that I found laughter, fun and happiness. There is no desire for a drink anymore, no cravings, and I can do all the activities that I like. This winter, I was skiing and could join the after-ski fun without any trouble from being around people who drink. I was with family members that don’t drink and we had a real good time. I can’t wait to go sailing again starting next week. Our boat is “alcohol free,” but we join the parties with the yacht club afterwards, and I don’t care what other people do. I have a great time drinking iced tea!
Through my fellowship in AA, I have met several nice close friends who share the same problems and we go out, have fun and laugh. Not to mention my fabulous time in Palm Springs going out dancing with the sober community! No need for booze to rock the dance floor! I know now that a “nightclub” is not necessarily a “drink club.” Whatever I do, I make sure that I primarily have non-drinkers with me and around me in my close group, and I really don’t care about the rest. I gained the freedom of going anywhere I want, anytime I want, because of my sobriety. While I was drinking, I put myself into a “homemade” house arrest since drinking and driving doesn’t work and I was always drinking. Now I am active and participating in life. But… the first few months I couldn’t do that; I had to wait until I was ready for all this. I’m happy to be sober today, happy to order iced tea or Perrier, happy to stay awake, alert and myself throughout the day and evening.
I laugh from my heart, not from my vodka…