- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
submitted by: Susanne Johnson
I first got sober in 2008 on June 10 after a nine year stretch of drinking that lead me to homelessness and crack addiction. I was hooked on five substances that I used daily with hopes that I would not wake up. Every day I woke up, I was angry that I had. Life was awful.
I got in recovery because the fear of change was finally outweighed by the pain I was suffering. I asked for help and dove right in to my sobriety. I was in service for all six and a half years of sobriety in every way. I was honest, open, and willing. I got my sanity back. My life back. My soul back. I showed up when I said I would and then some.
I came across an old-timer when I was two years sober that profoundly impacted my sobriety in a good way. I was made aware by friends that her kidneys were failing. At that point I knew that I was going to give her mine. I never mentioned it though. Roughly four years later her last kidney was almost gone so I called her and told her I want to give her mine. She didn’t believe that I knew what I was doing but my higher power of my understanding guided me and I found out I was a 99% match. This was unheard of for non-family members. We had the surgery on my 34th birthday, 2014.
When I woke up in was given a shot which, in turn, woke up that gorilla that is alcoholism. My thinking returned to “more, more , more”. My pride and ego stood in the way of asking for help. I relapsed. I was in relapse for 30 days or so. The lying got me to a point where I decided I was going to kill myself. I prayed, crying, for three days straight. “Please God! Help me stop these pills. Please!”
I ordered enough pills to kill an elephant, but before I could get them my two dear friends came out of a restaurant while I was in the parking lot. I saw them and knew my higher power put them there. I told them and they helped me. I put myself in a place for 11 days with their guidance. I did my steps. I worked so hard. I’m still as desperate as the dying can be and that’s how it will stay, just for today. I’m humbled, I’m happy, I’m grateful.
So much struggle and so many blessings have come my way this year which have brought me to where I am now, in the balance of right here, right now. I’m right sized today. I’m beyond blessed and grateful that my friend and my kidney are perfect together, I’m healthy and happy, and I’m sober one year today.