- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Abby Foster
How long have you been on your recovery journey?
My first experience with recovery happened when I was 21 and I was desperately addicted to drugs. I stayed clean and sober for just under four years. Then I became a mom and a wife and convinced myself I could drink like “normal” people. In that time, I used so many different things (not just alcohol) to numb the pain. I always tell people, “I’m the only person I know who can knit alcoholically.” It took twelve years for me to once again embrace recovery. I have now been sober for one year, eight months, and 24 days (but who’s counting?!)
What is the biggest positive change in your life since then?
Oh my gosh, this is so easy. I am the mom I’ve always wished I could be to my four beautiful daughters! I love being a present parent and fully enjoying raising my girls in a way that substances and addictive behaviors kept me from doing before recovery. There is so much pleasure in being a partner to my husband. I am no longer some mess of a woman that he’s always wiping up off the floor.
What led to your need for recovery (from substance abuse or some other issue)?
I am always careful not to compare myself to other people recovering, because my drinking never reached the level that so many of us expect from an alcoholic. As a nutritional therapist and advocate of living a healthy life, the fact that I was relying on alcohol and other self-medicating behaviors to numb out my internal pain was very clear to me. I felt like a hypocrite telling people how to fix their problems, while I was self-medicating mine away.
What was the turning point for you?
I was at the beach without my family one weekend, with the excuse that I was working on a proposal for a potential book deal with a self-help publisher. My behavior was out of control and I’d spent the week before trying not to drink. It was the first time that I realized I had lost control over whether I had a drink or not. That Sunday morning I sat on the beach, hung over, staring at the waves, wondering how to get myself out of my mess. I made a decision that it was time to stop. I also made sure to text all of my friends in recovery to have accountability because I knew that once the hangover lifted, I might have second thoughts. That was June 8, 2014 and I haven’t had a drink since.
What is one important truth you’ve learned through the process?
To feel all the feels! Seriously, as a “relapser” I can say with all honesty that I escaped my feelings the first time I was in recovery as a very young woman. I used junk food, men, and living vicariously through those still drinking and using around me. Today, I work very hard not to use the things that are easy escape methods that don’t technically affect my sobriety date. In the past, I could easily self-medicate with anything like donuts, control, perfectionism, men, or Netflix. My emotional sobriety depends on the fact that I am willing to be comfortable in my discomfort.
What are you most proud of about your life today?
Again, being the mom I’ve become. In addition to that, I have learned not to react, but to respond– and it’s amped my serenity way up. Plus, I think my family likes me way more! I used to be a tornado and now, like Bruce Lee, I practice being like water.
What is one of your biggest struggles in ongoing recovery? How do you overcome that?
Making sure to always use the tools of my recovery program is a struggle. When life gets really good, it’s so easy to think, “I’ve got this,” until it comes crashing down again. I also struggle with mental health imbalance so it’s very important for me to prevent those really high highs and really low lows. Meditation, along with a healthy diet and lifestyle are how I maintain balance and stability, which in turn lends to doing the things I need to stay sober.
What part of your life do you find most satisfying since you have been in recovery?
ALL OF IT!! But really, I do love life so much. It took 38 years to find the peace that recovery brought me and it was worth every experience in the long run. I’ve found that my darkest times are the ones that bring the most growth and I’m okay with not running from the scary stuff. It’s brought the most awareness in sobriety to me. Once I stopped self-medicating, everything in my life got better. My already amazing marriage improved in ways I never expected. My relationship with my children, parents, and friends got better because I became proud of the woman I am and shame stopped running all those shows. It’s a little ridiculous how happy I am on a regular basis, even though my stress is ten times higher than it’s ever been before.
Is there a truth or piece of advice someone shared with you that has helped you on this road?
I have to remember that I am a recovering perfectionist before everything else! The first person to help me in my recovery journey used to tell me to look up the definition of grace when I was beating myself up. Now I try to be gentle and practice self-forgiveness. That person would also say, “Put down the bat and pick up the feather.” We are so hard on ourselves when, in reality, we should practice empathy for the journey we’ve traveled because it’s been a hard and winding one that deserves our love.
What would you tell someone who is at the beginning of his/her recovery journey and is afraid he/she can’t do it?
Don’t be a perfectionist, you cannot and will not get this overnight. Be guided by grace when the shame monkeys show up, and they will. Allow yourself to be fully present to the best of your ability in your experience. Remember that it’s your experience, no one else’s. Try not to run when it all feels overwhelming. Healing happens in those dark places. And remember that there is no perfect way. Stay sober, be willing to heal the past, and be ready for a life you couldn’t have dreamed of!