- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
In his Catholic family, alcohol was not unusual as Gary grew up. His older brothers were drinking at times and Gary found himself looking at it and couldn’t wait to be old enough to legally drink as well. He had his first encounter with alcohol at about the age of twelve and immediately loved it. He calls it “finding his magic bullet, finding that thing that completed him.”
His teenage years were accompanied by alcohol and marijuana. Since alcohol was still illegal at his age, it did not make any difference to him to smoke drugs or drink, as both were not allowed. While smoking marijuana he was not drinking too much. When he was older, alcohol use came back. He somehow expected to be able to let the alcohol go one day as easily as he gave up marijuana. He assumed that at some point he would get tired of drinking as well and would be able to stop it just as easily, which wasn’t the case. He did not anticipate that it would take so many years and so much alcohol to get tired of it.
His parents were aware that he was drinking, but it was not really an issue in his life during the time he lived with his parents. He believes that they were not aware of his drug use. They only noticed the problems many years later, when the first negative consequences started to hit his life. The alcohol caused Gary to lose friendships, relationships, marriages, jobs and lots of material things.
In his twenties he was still very functional. He knew he was an alcoholic of some sorts, but what he did not understand at that time was that his alcoholism was a progressive disease. He lost his job as an X-ray tech at a hospital, because as his alcoholism went further and he was not showing up for work. He was arrested a couple nights and was made to spend a night each time in jail for public intoxication. His marriage was gone and he moved back with his parents. Gary always believed that if he worked hard, he was entitled to play hard. He reached a point where he was playing hard, but did not follow his obligations at work anymore and lost several positions.
His parents demanded that he seek treatment when he came home. He was trying to find a treatment facility, but was on a waiting list and could not get in. He was not willing at that time to enter the rooms of a 12-step fellowship, because he believed it would make him want to drink even more. He fought and white-knuckled sobriety at home with the help of his future sponsor for three months at home and finally agreed to go to a meeting.
This time, at the meeting, he heard a different message than before. He realized that he would either die from this disease or find a way to live with it in a controlled way. He got better and knew then, that he would be able to manage his recovery with a 12-step program and the support of a fellowship. He did not enter treatment as it became available, but continued to work the steps and follow the fellowship. He finally realized that he was like the people in the rooms and not unlike them.
After gaining some time of sobriety, he moved out from his parents’ home again, although they were always very supportive to his recovery. He gained the opportunity to work as a caseworker for a treatment center in Kentucky. Some years later, he found a job in his profession again at a local hospital, but continued to work as a caseworker for one day a week.
In March 2016, he will celebrate seven years of continuous sobriety and all of the ways that his life has changed. He is again in a relationship and very happy with it and has just purchased a house of his own. Gary says it is still unbelievable to hear out of his own mouth that he is living this long without a drink or drug. He loves that he is not sick all the time anymore. During his alcoholism he felt always sick, when he drank and when he did not drink.
“All the difficulties in my life were real, they were not imagined, but they were created by me. I used to blame all my trouble on something external and then I realized it all came from inside,” Gary says, “Also I’m learning at the age of 46 now to have adult relationships. It’s not all about me today.” His only son is in his early twenties and struggling with addiction as well. He is in early recovery after treatment, and both are still trying to build a relationship.