- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Margaret Phillips
One Tuesday in October 2013 Omar received a message from two of his children. They wanted to come over and talk about their brother, Adam. Omar had noticed some changes in his son Adam, but wasn’t exactly sure what was going on. Adam wasn’t holding down a job and had started to withdraw socially. None of this made sense to Omar until that conversation with his other two children on Tuesday. The siblings told their dad that Adam was using drugs. Omar said his first thought was “please don’t let it be heroin.” Well, it was. Omar was numb, but immediately sought out treatment options for Adam as he knew he needed to do something. It took a little convincing before Adam would agree to treatment, but just after Thanksgiving in November 2013 Adam entered a local treatment facility much to the relief of his family, and especially his dad Omar.
About 3 weeks into the treatment program Omar received a call from the facility saying Adam had relapsed. Adam moved into transitional housing offered by this facility. After that relapse Omar and his son had a conversation about what was going on. Omar asked his son “did you put a needle in your arm” praying the answer was no. Adam pulled up his sleeves and showed his father the marks. As Omar describes it he just fell to his knees crying because deep down he knew this was a pathway to death. He didn’t want to lose his son. Adam reassured his dad that everything would be ok. He’ll get back on track and things will work out. Well that’s exactly what happened from January to September 2014. Adam was engaged in a 12 step program and doing after care groups with the treatment facility. He was accountable, working, and seemed to be on the right path. Adam was a volunteer fireman going to calls that included drug overdoses. He also entered college in the fall of 2014 as his dream was to be an EMT and help save lives.
Adam started to miss some after care groups. He also started missing required check in’s with the recovery housing where he was living. The familiar patterns of relapse seemed to be at play though Omar still had no idea of the grip this disease had on his son. The only thing Omar knew of addiction was what he was told by his son. On Wednesday September 24, 2014 Omar sent a text to Adam and didn’t get a response. For hours Omar called Adam, texted and called his friends trying to find Adam. As he puts it “my dad instinct kicked in” because he knew something wasn’t right. Hours later Adam texted Omar and asked him if something was wrong. Omar explained that he had been trying to reach him and became concerned when he didn’t get a response. Adam took this a little differently since one of the friends Omar reached out to was Adam’s sponsor. Adam was sure that his dad knew he was using again. On Friday September 26, 2014 Adam called his dad at work and wanted to come by for a visit. The two talked for a couple of hours, went out to get lunch and just enjoyed each other’s company. They hugged and planned to meet for Sunday brunch at Omar’s home with the entire family just as they did every Sunday.
At 8:00 am on Saturday morning Omar received a call from the police saying they had found Adam unresponsive with no pulse in a known location for drugs. On the way to the hospital the EMTs were able to get a pulse, but Adam was still in critical condition. By Sunday morning Adam’s vitals had stabilized, but he was still unconscious. A CT scan showed there was significant swelling in the brain. Adam never regained consciousness and passed away that Wednesday at 21 years of age. Because Adam was an organ donor they were able to harvest his heart, both kidneys and his liver which in turn saved four lives. About six months after Adam’s death Omar received letters from each of the organ recipients. He consistently stated, “They bring me peace and comfort.” Adam was a generous kid in life and in death.
Now that Adam was gone Omar felt he had to understand why this happened. What is this disease all about? Why did it have such a grip on his son? Omar enrolled into the addiction studies certificate program at age 63 at the medical school where he is an oral surgeon and chair of one of the surgical departments in the school of dentistry. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with this certificate other than learn all he could about the disease that took his son. As he puts it “I’m in the medical profession and I don’t understand it, but I must do something.” Omar could see the lack of compassion with which some of the doctors treated his son. He was furious and that anger spurred him into action and continues to do so today. Being in a position to train the next generation of doctors Omar has taken it upon himself to teach his residents that “they are in the business of diagnosing NOT judging and they need to understand that.” He tells the medical residents, who claim to want to be in the medical field because of their compassion for others, that their compassion must extend to ALL people. What makes one person better than other?
Omar defines compassion to his residents as “being compassionate to the person that seemingly doesn’t deserve it.” He admits that prior to Adam’s death he was guilty of the same judgement of addicts. “I called them junkies” and judged them the same way others judged his son. He said it was a high price to pay in losing his son to come to the understanding he now has of this disease. Today he teaches students how to treat acute pain without contributing to the problem. Omar understands addiction IS a disease that it has a place in the brain. His focus is to target the stigma associated with addiction. “Person plus disease. Take away the disease and you still have the person. Treat them with compassion and respect, always.” As Omar describes he has nothing to fear at this point because the disease has already taken his son. He continues to fight the stigma because it is the right thing to do.
I can tell you that during the conversation with Omar I could feel his deep sorrow, but also his sense of drive to make things right. He’s a true hero in the fight against stigma and I’m honored to have had the opportunity to speak with him.
Thank you Omar!