- Alcohol
- Faith
- Friends & Family
My journey in recovery began because I was burning my life to the ground. I will say I have a pretty high rock bottom considering I managed to keep my wife, my house and my job. I didn’t go to jail yet or anything like that but I was not happy. So I started to see a therapist and one day I showed up drunk. He wouldn’t even see me. He told me I was going to have sober up and come back the next day. I really liked talking to this guy and he was helping me a great deal. The next day he suggested that I get into some kind of recovery program. So I took his suggestion. I did that. For three years I struggled with a 12 Step program. I went to meetings. I had a key to the church. I made the coffee. I set up the chairs. I read the Big Book. But I never got the God part. I managed to put some long strings of sobriety together but I could never hold on to it.
After three years I got in a big fight with my wife because I was drinking again. I got in my truck and I drove for three hours with no destination in mind. My three hour journey was just about, “What am I going to do? I can’t drink and I can’t NOT drink.” Ultimately I came up with the only solution I could, which was to kill myself. I went into a store to buy a shotgun and they told me no. I was sober at the time too! I mean I had been drinking in the morning but this was many hours later. I didn’t ask for any explanation. I just walked away scratching my head. Twenty minutes later I was sitting in my truck not knowing what to do. The thought suddenly came to me that I had to get home even though it wasn’t my plan to ever go home again.
I had really thought it through, about how I would do this and make it permanent. It wasn’t like I just wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to die. I went home and the next day I called my sponsor and we went to breakfast. He pushed a Bible across the table to me and said, “You had a moment of grace and it’s time you build on that.” From that day forward I was able to stay sober even though it took me three months to open that book that he slid across the table but when I finally did I found a purpose for my life. That’s what I was lacking all those years. That was nine years ago. I just collected my nine year chip in July. So now I share my story and talk to anyone who will listen about my journey in sobriety and how my recovery helped me find a God of my understanding who I know loves me and that I now love back. Every day of my life gets better.
My life has turned around. I truly never understood how miserable I had been. I was never really happy. I had lots of things and I always thought the next thing would bring me joy but it never did. Almost everybody you talk to in recovery understands that. We’re always are looking for the next thing to fulfill us and it never comes. The truth is I had a God shaped hole in my chest that I tried to fill with alcohol, drugs, trucks, whatever the next thing was that I thought would do it. I finally found a spiritual answer and that hole was filled. I hate the pink cloud expression but the truth is that since I got sober and found God my life improves on a daily basis. Today I don’t know where it’s going to end because it just keeps getting better.
Do you have a piece of advice or inspiration that you’d like to share?
Don’t let fear keep you from finding a solution that will work for you. My life was fear driven for years and I would say you have to work past fear and give yourself the opportunity to try something new.
I love this program and love the people I meet. For the first time in my life I have real friends. I have people who care about me. When I don’t show up people call and say where the hell are ya? Not because they need something from me but because I’m missed. There’s nothing like having that feeling of being loved. That is a daily blessing that I get.