- Friends & Family
- Other Addictions
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
My addictions have always been process addictions. I was a compulsive shopper and over-spender. I never went deeply into the addiction of substances, but my struggle has been very real.
Early on, I knew I was adopted and I understand that genetics play a big role in the substance use disorders; I always tried to stay on top of myself and be mindful with this. I was adopted when I was just three days old. I had the privilege to meet my birth family. My (birth) mom won’t talk to me about what happened or about my father. But I now know that she had a rough life and I don’t hold any resentments against her.
My (adoptive) father died in my arms from cancer when I was 17. Three days later, I moved to college as a freshman. It was a hard time as I was trying to process the sudden new role of not being a child anymore and being an adult on my own. I had a close bond to my father.
My mom was around, but she was not very accessible to me. My mother came from a very privileged family– during my childhood everything I needed or wanted was usually provided. I often took advantage of this. My parents were divorced at that time and I was living between both of them. I do love my mom, but at this time my dad had been my stronghold, and we had a strong daddy-daughter bond.
In college, I started drinking and smoking. I realized very quickly that if I went down that road, I would not go very far. I realized way later (when I was already out of college) that instead, I threw all of my all addictive tendencies into the shopping and spending in order to fill the void inside me. My mom gave me any amount I asked for; she never questioned my spending or tried to teach me to budget.
Later in life after I got married I noticed that I really didn’t even know how to keep money together, wash my own clothes, or run a household. Between the time when my parents got divorced to the day my father passed away, I had been trying to take advantage of situations. I did not mature, somehow, or gain the skills that people usually gain from ages 12 to 17. It was as if I missed those years somehow completely in my emotional growth. When I went to college, I felt I was still stuck in the teenage years and had to find out about that and work on myself from that point on.
In my young adulthood, I was part of an intervention for a friend of mine, and I developed a passion for this field. The interventionist who facilitated the intervention for my friend opened doors for me and got me inside this field of helping those who lost all hope. I had therapy throughout the years and it took maturity for me to be grateful for what I have today. Eventually, my career opportunities brought me from working in college to Christian counseling and now to addiction counseling and interventions.
Now that I am older, I know both my birth mother and my adoptive family. I’m grateful about how it all worked out. My relationship with my birth mother is really good today, and I’m thankful that she had the strength to put me up for adoption and do the best she could for me.
My sister and I were both adopted. Even we grew up in the same household and environment, we developed to become very different. I would be home early, while my sister was always coming late at night. My younger sister was in treatment for a while for addiction and some other issues, but she is doing great today and also found relief in recovery. While she was in treatment I felt happy for her because I saw her growing. It was her time to grow up and get well.
Time is healing. Don’t rush yourself. Give yourself time to process. Give yourself time to grow up and mature yourself. Give yourself enough time to work on yourself.
Before recovery, I had trouble understanding how not to be dependent on other people. I had to learn to be grateful for what I have and not always just take what’s handy. Even now, if I have stress with family or at the job, I find myself falling back into this addictive pattern of shopping and have to closely watch myself. I have to be mindful of it. I never had to question anything, all was spoon fed to me. I always wanted this instant gratification to feel good, and that’s not how anyone should live. The recovery of my process addictions is ever-evolving. I have to be mindful, notice it, and not dismiss the emotions when they happen. It is progress.