- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
I had my first drink in early childhood and I really started drinking and using drugs at age twelve. I started with weed, moved from weed to coke, then by the time I was 15 years old, I moved from coke to meth.
I am originally from Missouri, but live in Arizona, right now. I came to Arizona to help my grandma before she passed away, as she was not doing so well. At the time, I had just left prison and thought it could be a new start for me, too. I tried it several times and had to learn that we can’t run away from ourselves.
I’m 34 years old today and my recovery journey started two years ago, with a brief relapse two weeks ago. At 32, I just got tired of going to jail and ending up with nothing all the time. I spent all the money that I worked so hard for just to get high. My family told me that they had enough of it; even they asked me to leave home. So, I made a hard decision and checked into treatment.
I’m so much happier today now that I’m in recovery. It has been such a hard road and long path to walk, but it was worth it.
When I first came off meth I had dreams that I was using so badly. I woke up and thought that I had used; I would feel totally disoriented and puzzled about where I was. A couple months after that I fought my own attitude. It took several months to start feeling better, for my attitude to calm down, the mental obsession to stop screaming, and for me to get accustomed to being sober.
The mental obsession is so hard to overcome. All you want to do is go out and get a fix. It was so hard because I had to learn how to deal with life on life’s terms. The only thing I knew at that time was masking my emotions through the use of methamphetamine.
At that time, I had a girlfriend of ten years. She was living with her two grandchildren. She wasn’t using any drugs. She just had enough of me, the arguments, the attitude and such. She just got tired of it. The relationship ended.
They say methamphetamine is a cheap drug. I lost my job years earlier and I spent all I had on the drug. Things I did could have led to jail or even worse. I got tired of my own lifestyle. I was arrested multiple times. I had been to jails for assault, for possession of drug paraphernalia, and even for charges of drug trafficking. Drug charges sent me to prison.
Today, my legal stuff is being taken care of. I have felonies on my record—it is an effect and a reminder of my past addiction. Right now, I am working to take care of a DUI that I got a couple years ago. I want to get my life back in order. I do not want to go down that road again.
I live in a sober living house today and everyone in the house works in various restaurants washing dishes and such. I have gotten my feet back on the ground to start a new life from scratch. I used to be a construction worker, but I need time to work on me and on my program first before I can think of making more money in that field again. The work in construction was a trigger for me and I need to maintain stable sobriety before I can even think of going back to work in construction. I have to pause my life and get my head straight before I worry about anything else right now.
My family pushed me away years ago. I haven’t talked to my mom in years, and my dad lives in Australia. I’m here by myself doing my own thing. I have a friendship connection to my ex-girlfriend today and we talk once in a while. I can’t have a relationship right now in my life, but she supports my efforts in recovery. My dream for the future is to work in construction again, hopefully marry and raise my own children. I want to raise my own kid and be part of his life.
I go to 12-step meetings every day, have a sponsor and a home group. I love my home group. I go in there and feel comfortable and they hold me accountable for my words and actions. They see me when I’m down and try to pick me up. They make me happy. They make feel complete when I don’t feel whole. They caught me quick on my relapse and built me back up because they cared about me. My relapse was not the end of the world– it’s part of my story, but my recovery doesn’t end there.