- Drugs
- Faith
- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
July 2016 marked a difficult time for me. I was in nursing school and trying to slave away at maintaining excellent grades. But in one week, everything was taken from me: My uncle died, my dad died, my fiancé and I separated and my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer for the second time.
My way of dealing with it was to not deal at all. I became emotionally numb to all of it and even developed psychogenic seizures and epileptic seizures due to all my stress. I disassociated often and turned quickly to drugs, pain killers, alcohol and whatever else I could get my hands on. I even went suicidal and by the end of December I was serious about no longer living. Thats how I got into rehab in the first place.
In 5 months I flew into three separate rehabs. In all my rehab entrances, I was running from something deep within me. I always ran away once things got tough. That was my problem. Once my PTSD kicked in and my flight-mode took off, there just wasn’t any stopping me. While I never actually completed one single rehab program all the way through, I was able to return home and function well.
Since being home, I have gotten a job, paid off my car, gotten an apartment and I am
waiting to hear back to see if I got accepted into a health science program. I am scheduled to see a therapist soon even though I haven’t used one yet since I have been home. But I was smart enough to agree to getting myself a sponsor and that has been a life saver.
I still struggle with my thoughts and my addictions today. If I see a needle on the ground, then I want it. If I drink one time, then instantly I am drunk. Sometimes I go back to being depressed but keeping in touch with my rehab friends has really motivated me forward.
Another thing I believe that keeps me from reverting to my “old” days is that in my third rehab, I successfully ended up hurting myself and police officers and EMS had to do chest compressions on me to bring me back. After that, I started finding joy in the little things. I got a sponsor to help me during the later evening hours because therapists usually are out of the office by then. My PTSD symptoms seem to flare up by night time. So whenever I feel like running from a problem or situation, I have begun to literally go running. It’s why I am so excited about the Heroes in Recovery 6k. It’s just another way to run towards something good.