- Alcohol
- Faith
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Amy Cooper
My journey in recovery began in 1994 when my parents sent me to treatment center in Toledo, Ohio. That was not my sobriety date because I was very resistant to treatment.
I had this lingering delusion I had that because I was a Christian, God would remove the disease from me. I was a Christian, born and raised in a family with six preachers. I always knew God existed. I always had a deep faith that that He would save me; it just took 35 years for me to figure it out. I had a spiritual awakening and my understanding of my God became more clear from my fellow 12-Step members than it ever did from my preacher relatives or sitting in church listening to the sermons or even reading the Bible.
My other delusion was that I thought I could drink successfully. My clarity came in a moment I’ll never forget– it was taught to me by a member of my group. I didn’t stand a chance until I dried out and sobered up a little bit. I had to become willing.
Later, I had to become honest, too. I just told the truth about what I was thinking, what I was feeling. When I did become honest, I asked for help from God. I never got that motivation from my father and grandparents, although they were all pillars of the community.
If my life story were a movie, it would have been The Wolf of Wall Street. I could identify with having my own jet; I had a propeller plane. I didn’t have Lamborghinis, but I did have a Jaguar. I was a Navy diver, special forces. Problems existed. I had DUIs, arrests, and things of that nature. I just showed up, passed my tests and gave them the money and was left alone. I kept doing what I was doing, and it worked for me for almost 35 years. At times, I thought I could be a “successful drinker”. I would ask God to keep me sober and in the same breath, I would ask God to keep me drunk successfully.
Then, I got arrested and that is when I believe Christ finally heard me. I used to tell God, “You better do something or I’m gonna lay here and drink till I’m dead, because I can’t do it; I can’t stop drinking and I can’t drink successfully.”
Finally, I was arrested without bail. God knew exactly what he was doing. I had the money but they wouldn’t give me bail. They said, “No you’re gonna need to speak to somebody first before we let you back out.” That was the key that saved my life. I didn’t see it then– I thought it was a bunch of crap. I could use really good profanity to describe what happened that day. It took two months to get in front of the judge with an attorney to set a bond amount. That is where my true sober journey began.
I wake up to NOT drinking today, go to a meeting, and embrace that miracle of healing the removal of alcoholism 24 hours at a time. My miracle was the gentleness and kindness of my Higher Power as He heard that honest prayer that, “God, you have to do something, because I can’t.”
Part of the epiphany in recovery was when I realized what alcohol produced in my life: crazy insanity. One of the biggest things that happened when I got sober was I had to forgive myself for wrecking a marriage and for running a successful business into the ground. I mean, the stories, most all stories, are all the same with different names.
What got me through the beginning of early recovery was the phone. There were many days in early recovery that I spent next to the outlet in the wall because the phone was dead from me talking to so many people all day. I killed the battery and would plug the phone back in and charge it up. I could barely make it for five or 10 minutes without talking to somebody so I would sit down with my back against the wall next to the outlet, so the phone was plugged in, and I went through everybody in my phone list.
Then, I discovered there’s a 24-hour hotline at Central. One day, I painted my bedroom seven times the same color and I got through the day. I got through the moments that led to the next meeting. I couldn’t do it alone. I had to have help when I was in the beginning—during those times when I was alone, terrified.
I was very uncomfortable inside myself and my thoughts were full of fear. I called 12-Step meetings and asked them to make an announcement with my phone number so somebody would come and pick me up because I needed to go to a meeting. People would call me afterwards and come get me for the next meeting.
I would get phone numbers from everybody that would give me their phone number and I would call those people throughout the day and just talk through those conversations. They taught me how to ask God for a sponsor. You have to become willing to do it– to make the phone call to get in the car and go to the meeting.
I began to realize that I can trust these people. These people aren’t lying; you can trust them. They actually do answer the phone, and if not, they call you back. I am very grateful today. Grateful for many things. Especially the rooms of the 12 Steps. I keep coming back, one day at a time.