- Mental Health
Interviewed by Wendy Lee Nentwig
By all accounts, Shad Ireland shouldn’t be here today. He was diagnosed with kidney disease at age 10, attempted suicide four times during his teens, fell into drug and alcohol use and endured two failed transplants.
But he’s not only surviving, he’s thriving.
Shad overcame substance abuse and confronted his health issues head on, going on to become the first and only dialysis patient in the world to compete in and complete an Ironman triathlon. He made history with that 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride and 26.2-mile run. Doctors said it was physically impossible, but he proved them wrong, setting an example for anyone who thinks the obstacles in front of them are just too much to overcome.
Born in May 1972, Shad was a healthy, happy kid. Then, in 1982, he was diagnosed with a rare kidney disease and the rapid onset was shocking. Within six months, he had 60 pounds of fluid on his lungs and heart. His first suicide attempt came at the tender age of 11.
“I didn’t know how to deal with the illness back then and dialysis six hours a day, three days a week,” he explains, adding, “It made high school and everything horrible.”
Shad remembers getting so sick from the treatments that he would just lay on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet, often passing out. Then just as he’d start to feel better, it was time to resume dialysis. It was a grueling regimen that promised little in the way of a future. He saw hope slipping away. No college, no marriage, no career.
Very sick, depressed and angry, Shad felt like he had nothing left to lose. At 16, he started hanging out in nightclubs and experimenting. He just wanted to be normal. He didn’t want to be a dialysis patient. Soon, he was partying four nights a week. In the beginning, it was fun. He met some real characters and found somewhere he thought he might fit in. In this world, everyone was trying to escape something, so there was a common bond. He came into dialysis drunk and thought it was funny, but overall he managed to hide his drinking and drug use, which included cocaine and pot. Before long, though, Shad was waking up and not knowing where he was or bleeding with no memory of how he became injured. Suddenly, drinking and doing drugs weren’t fun anymore.
His story could have ended badly right there, but he credits many people in his life who influenced him positively. While Shad admits he probably should have gone to treatment, he managed to get clean.
“It was a lifestyle, and I had to extricate myself from the situation,” Shad recalls. “I went through withdrawal.” He also lost friends and struggled with his faith. “I remember asking God if he remembered who I was, and he responded by asking me if I remembered who HE was. The message came through loud and clear.”
Following the rejection of his first transplanted kidney, around age 21, Shad was resting and watching television. Flipping between channels, he stumbled upon a race he’d never seen before. It was a triathlon. He was captivated by the strength and determination the contestants exhibited and told his mother he would some day compete in that race.
While it might seem like an attainable goal for someone else, Shad had gone from 145 to 75 pounds and his parents were told to start making funeral arrangements. He could barely walk. But when he saw that Ironman race on TV, it was the first time he was ever inspired.
Eventually, Shad did recover and he returned to college. He had been told he wouldn’t live to 25, so when he reached that milestone birthday, it should have been a celebration. Instead, he found himself wondering if he had squandered his potential. Still, he found inspiration in a professor who challenged him, and had his perspective challenged in other ways, too.
He was back at dialysis, but still struggling with those “why me?” questions. One beautiful summer day without a cloud in the sky, Shad was frustrated by the knowledge that he was going to be sick all weekend and he just didn’t want to do it anymore. Right then, the bus came. A guy in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the neck down, smiled at Shad. He immediately thought, What do you have to smile about?
Then it hit him. He was angry about a disease he felt he had no control over, and yet he had all the control in the world. At 31, he left college to become an athlete. Everyone thought he was insane, but Shad would have the last laugh.
The training was grueling and dialysis hasn’t changed all that much either, although he’s allowed to do it from home now, providing some measure of freedom. He watches his diet and makes adjustments for his disease and his physical limitations. While Shad always had the heart of an athlete, he admits he’s not genetically blessed, so everything he accomplishes physically comes from hard work and sheer force of will.
Completing that Ironman triathlon was the culmination of a long-time goal and something he remains proud of, but despite all he’s accomplished, there are regrets. His mom, who had supported him through so much, never got to see her son race. She died of cancer. Then there are the other dialysis patients who haven’t been as fortunate as he has. Shad is the last of nine kids who started dialysis in 1983.
“I watched all of them die, while I did everything wrong,” he says, with traces of survivor’s guilt in his voice. “That’s part of why I do what I do, I think of those other kids. I found a way out of the darkness, and I feel a responsibility to give back.”
He does that through his foundation, which allows him to advocate for others and to share his story. “I wish I had somebody like me when I was 11 and contemplating suicide.” That desire keeps him looking for ways to get his message out.
Shad definitely feels the responsibility of being a role model, but when asked if he would change anything about his past, even his drug and alcohol abuse, his answer is a surprising, “no.”
“All those experiences made me who I am,” he explains. “No one wants to go through that, but I wouldn’t be as effective if I didn’t have that.”
Today, he’s focused on giving back and tying up a few loose ends. Shad will graduate in December with a BA in technology and communication strategies. After nearly 30 years on dialysis, he doesn’t rule out another transplant, but explains that past blood transfusions have made that very unlikely, so dialysis remains a part of his everyday life for the foreseeable future. Still, he’s not letting that keep him down. At 40, he’s ramping up his racing career again, after taking a few years off to focus on his foundation.
“I’m returning with a different attitude,” he says. “Now I’m racing not just for personal goals but for the patients I’ve met. What I do is extreme and they don’t have to be extreme, but I would ask them what inspires them, because it all begins with inspiration.”
Chances are, at least some of them would answer, “you!”