- Alcohol
- Drugs
My name is Casey and I am a real alcoholic, dope fiend, thief and liar. I am writing this so that all who may read this will hopefully find some common ground and see that there is life after alcoholism and drug addiction. My sobriety date is April 30, 2010. I do have an earlier sobriety date but that changed in March of 2009. I can’t honestly tell you that I had a bad childhood or blame things on my parents because that’s just not how it was for me, even though I did use that as an excuse for many years to stay drunk or high. My dad left when I was very young and I have very few memories of him. My mother remarried to a man who I know did the very best he could with what I gave him to work with. I developed resentments very early in life and carried those till they almost killed me.
I took my first drink around the age of 12. I didn’t do it because I wanted to get drunk or because I liked the taste. I did it because I wanted to fit in with people around me. I never felt like I fit in with anyone and I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Today, I know those feelings were due to my own shortcomings. I have always compared my inside to other people’s outsides. The drink I took at the age of 12 led to a life of heartbreaking loss and deep-seeded resentment against everyone and everything that loved me. At the age of 14, I was smoking pot and doing designer drugs such as acid and cocaine. By the age of 16, I was fighting full-blown alcoholism and drug addiction. Although at that time I had not yet seen any real consequences, by the age of 17, I was selling a lot of drugs such as pot and acid and my drinking had progressively gotten worse.
At the age of 18, I was in my first treatment center program because I had gotten into some trouble with the courts for huffing paint. I spent 28 days in the treatment center but I had no intention of doing anything different with my life, so the day after I got out I was drunk. By this time in my life, my drinking and drugging were causing problems with my family and loved ones. I am the type of drunk that has to be loudest, rudest, most obnoxious person when drinking. I never felt like I fit in anywhere so I had to be the one to stick my chest out. That caused many problems in my life. The truth of the matter is I was just a scared little boy in a big world.
In 1995, I got introduced to meth, and my addiction went from bad to worse almost overnight. It was the best drug I had ever done and I knew that I would be doing it forever. By this time, I had been in and out of jail and my addictions had cost me jobs, girlfriends, friends and a quality of life. The only thing that mattered was what I was going to do to drink or use. In 1999, I managed to get myself in trouble with the federal authorities through meth charges. I thought I would have to spend 30 years in federal prison. By the grace of God, I did not have to do that and was found not guilty.
Three days after that not guilty verdict, I was back in jail on another D.U.I. In 2001, my mother passed away, and I was so messed up that I can’t even remember much about the day we buried her. Later that same year, I was introduced to I.V. drug use, which was the beginning of the end for me. That’s when I started to steal from my friends and family. I went from 160 pounds down to 130. My face sunk in and I looked like death. In December of 2002, I checked myself into the treatment center that I now work at because I knew I just couldn’t continue to live with the drugs. I spent 28 days there and my life took off. After that, I went to a halfway house and began to put my life back together. I spent 14 months in that halfway house and enjoyed the next 6 years clean and sober with a great life.
In June of 2008, my wife decided she didn’t want to be married anymore, and I stopped doing the healthy things I had been taught to do all those years. In March of 2009, I got high again, which led to a yearlong run that ended with me going to jail and losing everything I had worked for. I went to jail on more meth charges and I spent a year in jail starting April 30, 2010.
I have been clean and sober ever since. I have been given yet one more chance at life by the grace of God and I intend to make the very best of it. My life is not perfect today and I don’t have all the things I want. I do, however, have everything I need and a God of my understanding that can take me through anything in my life without a drink or dope. I don’t care what 12 step program you find but I strongly urge you to find one and give it an honest chance. I promise you that if a drunk like me can find a new way of life through these steps you can as well.