- Drugs
- Faith
My early life and that of my four brothers was spent in a Catholic orphanage. At the age of nine, the nuns packed us in a car and took us to my father and stepmother’s house. My dad didn’t want us, but my stepmother, who had never even met us before, told him in no uncertain terms that we were his and he was going to take us. What a woman!
Our family was poor and dysfunctional, and since my brothers and I felt like we weren’t wanted, we kind of went our own way. My mom tried her best to control us, but we proved to be too big of a handful for her. It would be a few years later before I realized how much she had learned to love us and wanted the best for us. She just didn’t quite know how to get us there.
The drug culture was very present in our high school and was also tied to music which gave me an outlet. It was a very easy fit. My days became nothing but thoughts about when we would get high next, when were we going to shoot up, cutting school, delivering drugs at school, fighting and all the rest of the mess you get involved in when you do drugs. It was a way of life, and we didn’t think about it being any other way. We didn’t know there was any other way. By the age of 17, I was using a lot of heroine, speed and some marijuana. All of my brothers had dropped out of school. We were all going downhill pretty fast.
In February of my senior year, one of my brothers overdosed. It made me crazy and very, very scared for him. When I went back to the house and told my parents, I saw our mom throw herself on the bed sobbing. That was when I realized how much she really loved us. The first prayer I ever said was, “God, if you’ll save Bobby, I’ll serve you.” I had no idea what that actually meant. It’s funny how we get in a really bad situation and we cry out to a God that we don’t even know or know about. Bobby was in a coma for three days and then was checked into an asylum to dry out. After that, I was scared that what happened to Bobby may happen to me. I started having reactions to the drugs and I would get ill. Because of this, I got weaned off the hard stuff and then did the same with marijuana and pills. I lost the desire to do drugs over about a month.
With graduation approaching, there were a lot of parties. So when I was invited to a camp meeting, I thought it was a big picnic with food and fun. I showed up in jeans and a tank top, and everyone else was in church attire, including three-piece suits for the men. It turns out that it was a Church of God function, complete with a fire and brimstone preacher. But the people were so kind and loving, it was amazing. That night, I met the Lord. I had never felt love, acceptance and joy before but now I did. Two weeks later, I was thanking the Lord for all this joy and love inside me and then I realized God had held me to my promise. He was the One who had weaned me off the drugs. He was the One directing my steps now. He was giving me unconditional love. It really didn’t matter at all to Him that my life was a total mess. He wanted to give me a better life.
God knew what He was doing. He was helping me to keep the promise I had made to Him even though I didn’t even understand what I was promising. That happened more years ago than I’d like to think, but God is still directing my life. He has blessed me with a wonderful wife, three sons, two grandkids and a series of ministry jobs, which also involve my musical and drama talents. God is faithful to His promises. He has been the father to me that I so desperately needed growing up.
Many people have harder stories that are grittier and more life-impacting than mine. But this is my story, and I’m glad to say that I have found the script that God wrote for my life. As long as I allow Him, He will be the director.