- Alcohol
- Faith
I wish I considered myself a hero in recovery, but my personal story is quite diverse and mostly confrontational. 12-step meetings saved my life, and Jesus saved my soul. I began my recovery in the halls of group recovery meetings around Fort Worth, Texas. I was rushed into local and regional service where I soon lost myself all over again to ego, arrogance and pomp! After my first two years clean, I was on the verge of relapse and killing my soul one sex act at a time. I finally went to a 12-step meeting on the suggestion of several others who had the same circumstances. I found myself and my recovery. Slowly things began to change regarding the acceptance of God and not just a Higher Power. The old and current 12-step literature is quite clear about God and our relationship with God! I also found many like-minded people who supported the premise and principles of the 12 steps and our true relationship with God. Slowly I began to change. Thoughts of using and suicide left my mind. The idea that I had to express myself sexually slowed tremendously and I had my first of several spiritual awakenings! Later, I even wrote a couple of books on the subject.
After three years of being clean, I managed to do 18 months without caffeine and the same without sexual relations. This was encouraged by my sponsor and those around me at the time. The experience heightened by sobriety, and I once again had another spiritual awakening. God alone brings these seasons of growth into being! God alone is the band leader and conductor of my faith and spiritual life. No one else can do that!
When I had about five years clean, my sponsor began with a simple question: “How are you and Jesus doing these days?” I would answer the same each time he asked: “Jesus and I are fine. I leave Him alone, and He leaves me alone!” This went on for a year or two until one day he got rather pushy and insisted I explain. Knowing some parts of the Bible, I proceeded to tell him that Jesus came so that I might approach God directly. Jesus came so that I did not need anyone to help me in my relationship with God. It was between God and I. Jesus, in fact, tore the proverbial veil so that I myself could enter the Holy of Holies! His reply was, “I sure hope you’re right.”
That one phrase, along with many others, kept me awake night after night. Then one night, I ended up on my knees begging God to forgive me and for Him to show me His son Jesus! That changed everything! From there, my life has been a whirlwind of growth, success, failure and rebirth. God quickened me and showed me His will for my life. God is good, and His will is my goal. There is no label you can put on God’s love! It can be everywhere, in any room and in any building as long as we believe. Ever since becoming clean and sober in 1991, I have been drawn to helping people! I was not always good at it, and even today some think my methods are a wee bit barbaric. The 12X12 tells all of us that, “The people who believe they do not need and inventory (steps) scarcely need to be comforted.” I take this outlook very seriously, as we all should. Handing out white chips to the same people each night may not be the best course of action.
Today, I sit behind a desk and run what is formally called a “Modified Therapeutic Community.” To the lay person, it is recovery center, a recovery support center or even a 3/4 house. I am a combined program director for the center and executive director for the foundation we use. I create my own recovery modules, write my own grants and take full responsibility for the success or failure of this program. That being said, I knew that this is where I wanted to be since my third year of being clean. But I did not get here for another 14 years!
Everything in life is seasonal just as the Bible points out. Everything in life is like a crop of corn or wheat. People need to grasp the idea and precept in the little story laid out in the Big Book on pages 60-62. Like crops, any life ran on self-will is headed for destruction. Left to our own thoughts, actions and deeds, we will eventually self-destruct. God alone is our GPS. He is our guide!
Now with over 20 years clean and sober, I know this more than ever before! I lean on God each day and offer myself to Him to use me and build me into the man He desires! Of myself, I am nothing. It is only through God that I can do the things I do! This way, I get up each morning and ask Him to show me His will. And each night I say thank you! I believe with every fiber of my being that I am doing His will and that heaven is my real home!
Charles S.
Sober since 11/11/1991