- Alcohol
We were married for 30 years. Eight years in we tried to start a family. She couldn’t conceive, and, while on the surface she appeared to accept it, under the surface the pain was so great she started drinking. Her family, who had a history of trouble with alcohol, wouldn’t help. When I told them I needed help, they looked at me like I had two heads. The progression of her alcoholism led to two rehab graduations and years of 12-step meetings. Before finding group support I was resentful and angry about the drinking, but after I understood and encouraged her to go to meetings. There were some great people she met and became close with. There were a few interesting characters I liked.
In place of being a mother she took on a career. It was something I suggested, but she was good at it and good at moving on with her education, her life and becoming a professional woman. I was always proud of her and still am. The education became a bit much, as she was away a lot. When she was home, she wasn’t home. 12-Step meetings fell to the wayside. She stopped going and lost track of her friends in recovery. We drifted apart, and then we were like strangers.
I was driving solo one night, coming back from seeing a friend of mine. My car was rear ended and totaled. Luckily neither myself nor the other driver was hurt, but I had to call my wife for a ride home. When I called she sounded sleepy and far away. She didn’t want to drive, as by that time we were not on the greatest of terms. Distant, but not totally detached. She showed up, and I knew right away she had picked up drinking. “Oh my God, here we go again,” I thought. The drifting apart we may have been able to fix. I spent night after night seeing her off and waiting for her to come home from meetings, and so much of our marriage was spent waiting or wondering, living lonely night after lonely night.
We divorced four years ago, and I still loved her. I still love her now, and there will always be a place in my heart for her. Every night before I go to sleep I wish her well and say a prayer for her. Whatever negative emotions I may have had evaporated long ago. Whatever anger there might have been has mellowed to a gentle sadness from time to time. I do whatever I can to help her now and ask nothing in return. She’s a good person and deserves to be happy. She had to do another rehab stay last year for a tune up and is doing better now. I am glad she is doing better. We keep in touch, but it isn’t the same.