- Drugs
I want to express my heartfelt appreciation to everyone who posts their stories and experiences with meth. Even though meth addiction was a long and painful ordeal for me, I’ll be brief in summarizing my experience here. In a nutshell I was about as deep into meth as anyone could possibly be for about three years. I lost everything (family, friends, jobs, financial assets, all of my possessions, my dignity and self-respect), and ended up doing almost four years in jail and prison. The great news is that I finally beat that drug and have been 100% clean and sober for almost 4 years now. My main point is there is always hope, and you should never give up on yourself. You can beat it too.
I started using meth around age 50 in the aftermath of a very difficult and demoralizing divorce. I turned to meth for relief from a flood of negative emotions. The problem was that meth worked for me for a period of time. That is, while high on meth, I didn’t have face what was going on in my life. But, like most addictions, my abuse of meth quickly became a bigger problem than the divorce-related negative emotions that I was trying to avoid. Within about a year of occasional meth use I became fully addicted and was using substantial amounts of the drug on a daily basis. Everything in my life unraveled over the next two years, and I was ultimately arrested and incarcerated multiple times for drug-related offenses (possession, disorderly conduct, criminal trespass and escape in the second degree).
So you may be wondering why I want to share my story of meth addiction and recovery. Simply put, I feel like I have to at least try to help other people who are suffering in the bondage of meth addiction. I am painfully aware that it’s extremely difficult to get free of meth, to sustain your recovery over the long haul and build a vastly better meth-free life. There are no simple answers or solutions, and there are no interventions, programs or therapies that are scientifically proven to be effective in promoting or sustaining meth recovery.
But I do know what worked for me, and I strongly believe that many others may be able to take the same path to freedom. I wouldn’t bother to share my story if I wasn’t convinced that it will have some value to others. Let me share my theory about why my approach to meth recovery worked for me and why it may be helpful to you. First off there are two unarguable core facts about meth:
• The drug makes you feel fantastic, wonderful, euphoric, energized and sexually charged.
• The financial, interpersonal, emotional and spiritual consequences of prolonged meth abuse are devastating.
When trying to quit meth you’re fighting an uphill battle against your brain chemistry. It demands that you feed it more of the drug to continue those pleasurable feelings that we meth abusers know and love so well. But we’re not biochemical robots hardwired to do what our chemistry tells us to do. We’re human beings endowed with free will and the capacity to make rational choices. Our choices are ultimately guided by our beliefs, thoughts and emotions. We’re highly motivated to avoid painful emotions and to seek rewarding, pleasant emotions. The crux of quitting meth for me was to counteract the pleasurable feelings brought on by the drug by invoking even stronger negative emotions caused by suffering an avalanche of dire consequences.
I’ll tell you very clearly and explicitly how this phenomenon of invoking negative emotions worked for me. I was sitting in jail awaiting my sentencing hearing in which I knew I would be sentenced to about four years in prison. I choose to quit meth permanently at that very moment. I knew that if I continued to use meth I would either die an addict or, even worse, spend the bulk of my remaining life in prison. The overwhelming negative emotions associated with that realization, including shame, guilt, fear and self-loathing, were my ticket to freedom. From that moment nearly fours years ago to the present I’ve never been seriously tempted to use meth again. I simply recall all of the horrendous consequences I suffered, and any fleeting thoughts or temptations to use are squashed.
Am I implying that you have to first suffer horrible consequences from your meth abuse to have the motivation and the kind of powerful negative emotions that will enable you to quit? The answer is “No.” I think, if you thoroughly educate yourself about meth and its devastating life consequences and take that knowledge to heart, you’ll come to face the fact that your future is very grim if you continue to use. All of the information you need is readily and abundantly available though books (particularly books written by recovering meth addicts), meth resource web sites, blogs and support group meetings. I didn’t educate myself about meth when I was using, and I paid a very heavy price by keeping myself in the dark. I was the proverbial ostrich with his head stuck in the sand. I didn’t want to know the truth about the long-term consequences of meth addiction, and I avoided the truth at all costs. Don’t be like me. Don’t be an ostrich.
I’ve written a memoir about my time as a meth addict and about my path in recovery. The book will be released late this year. I believe it’s a must read for anyone who is even thinking about using meth, anyone currently experimenting with meth or anyone now fully addicted to meth (and their families). Good luck to everybody out there who wants to improve their lives, to free themselves from this horrible drug, to sustain the positive changes they’ve made and to help others still trapped in the nightmare.