- Alcohol
On September 14th, a beautiful fall morning, Heroes in Recovery held it’s 3rd annual 6k run/walk at Leiper’s Fork near Nashville, TN. During this event I met Christie from Nashville, and she was so nice to give me an interview and let me share her story with others.
Christie remembers her father drinking all her life. In addition to being a very heavy drinker he was a very heavy smoker. Three years ago he woke up in the middle of the night and could not breath. Her mom was with him at that time. They were scared and rushed to the emergency room. He had about ten pounds of fluid in his lungs which caused his heart to turn large. It almost killed him. They managed to stabilize him and told him that his lifestyle caused it, and that the alcoholism and the heavy smoking had to stop in order to survive.
Her dad didn’t like the idea of being a recovering alcoholic, so he never thought of going to a treatment center or going to meetings, but he was scared enough and stopped on his own right away. Christie’s father mentioned that he craves a cigarette only once in a while, but he is done with the alcoholism and does not miss it. However when he came to Christie’s celebration for her graduation, it showed that he might have a problem. He asked the family and restaurants to keep the drinks away from him, as he did not want to be that close to alcohol. They don’t drink at all at their home. Christie’s mother is a diabetic and has maybe just a sip of wine at Thanksgiving but never more and never has anything at home. That was a great support for her father. Christie knows that it is a rare occasion that someone is able to stop by himself like that, and she is very happy that it turned out this way.
I asked Christie how her life changed now that her father stopped drinking, and she answered that he is nicer today, he smells better and most importantly he is not that angry anymore. He was an angry drinker, and even when he was not drunk, he was often mean and grumpy. Today he is happy, much more obliging and better at family dinners and holidays, and they love having him around. He is happy, while before it was “walking on eggshells” around him, as you never knew what would happen.
I asked if their family life has improved, and Christie answered, “Oh, that’s an understatement!” She laughed, “Our family life is incredible compared to before!”
Even her father was lucky, and his drinking never caused any legal consequences. They never had much money, as his drinking drained it all. Today the family finances are ten times better, as Christie says, “We are financially stable, the family dynamics are stable, there is just no comparison to before.”
Christie describes her experience of having an alcoholic father as negative: “There are tons of things that you need from your father that you don’t get.” Today she knows that addiction is not a choice, as it is an illness, a disease. She learned that her dad is a wonderful person. This wonderful person was in there the whole time and was dying to get out. It taught her compassion, humanity and sympathy for people with addiction. She says, “It is not that they don’t love you enough to quit. He was genuinely ill.”
She is very aware that she is at risk for addiction as his child. In addition to him there are two or three more addicts in her family. She lives observant, aware and by the rules to avoid getting into this problem. So far her mother, her sister and herself have not had any problems, and she is very glad about that.
There is no relationship like beyond redemption, Christie believes. The relationship with her father was hard-won. It was not that she woke up one day and it was there, but it was worth fighting for, and the family is happy today.
As an advocate for Heroes in Recovery I am so happy to meet people like Christie and hear about the heroic efforts of her father and the family to work on a solution for this problem. Her mother, his sister and Christie are also true Heroes in Recovery, as they did not give up on the alcoholic and gave all their support and love to work it out together. It is so heart-warming to hear about the compassion and love she has for her father and the entire family. I am glad that I met you Christie, and I wish you much more time as a family in harmony, living happy, joyous and free.