- Drugs
I began my road to recovery a little over two and a half years ago, after hitting my bottom.
My bottom was when I drove to work on my birthday weekend and was completely messed up. I had my mom and a coworker in the car. My mom knew I wasn’t okay, and I was driving on one of the deadliest highways in Massachusetts. I got to work fine, I don’t really know how I did but I did, but my mom was done with me. She said, “You either get out of my house, or you go to treatment.” I looked her right in the eyes and broke her heart by saying I’d rather stay using. That’s what my plan was.
My mom told me she would give me 24 hours to think about it. My dad and mom are separated, but they are still friends. He came over and screamed and yelled, and I just sat there and drained him. I really had no idea that I wanted help. I was just like, “No, I’m just going to go do whatever. Now I don’t have to worry about you guys bugging me, so I’m going to leave.” I locked myself in the room and kept using. They told me I could stay for 24 hours, so I was going to take full advantage of that and continue to use. But then I had the moment of clarity that everybody talks about.
My husband asked me if I wanted to continue on like this, or if I wanted to get help. I said, “Let’s go get help.” The next morning I told my mom that I did want help. I was very codependent with my husband, so I said I would only go, if he could go with me. He was using as well, and that was my bargain to go to treatment.
My sister looked into an intervention company. She didn’t realize the company just did interventions and wasn’t a treatment place. I called them, and they said, “If you already want to go, then you don’t really need us, but let me see if we can find a place that will take both of you.” I did no work. All I did was sit there and wait for the phone to ring. The company called me back and said there was a place that would take both of us. They gave us the information and said the place should be calling me. The treatment center took care of all the insurance and screening. That was one of my “God moments” that got me to treatment. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to. I didn’t look up the center’s website. I didn’t ask any questions. Now that I work in the field, I realize I could have gone to a hole in the wall. Instead it just worked out.
We visited my husband’s dad for three days, because the treatment center didn’t have a bed yet, and then we went to treatment. We stayed for 50 days, and then we decided to go to halfway houses. They told us we had to recover together but separately, so we went to separate halfway houses. At first we didn’t understand what that meant, but they told us that only 1% of couples that come into sobriety together stay sober together. I told them, “Well, I’m going to be that 1%. I don’t know why you guys are telling me this, because now I’m confident.” I went from codependent to super confident.
We went to separate halfway houses and did separate IOPs. He went during the day, and I went at night so that we could continue doing everything separately. We went to separate meetings and got separate sober supports. We continued doing what we needed to do. We got sponsors and did the steps. He got a sponsor first, and I saw him changing which made me realize it does work. I got a sponsor, and I started doing the steps. We stayed in separate halfway houses for ten months. We had three weeks before our one-year sobriety date, before we moved back in together. We had a lot of ups and downs, and we didn’t know if we were going to stay together or not. The program and having sober supports help me get through not knowing what I was going to do.
I had about six months of sobriety, when I joined a committee for young people in recovery, got involved and did service outside of my home support group. The girls in that committee are who really saved me through my ups and downs. There is a fine line that you’re going to get to in your sobriety, where you either you go back and use, or you step up your recovery. I was really really struggling with not knowing what was going to happen in my personal life, when I realized that everyone I knew in my home group had just as much time or less than me. I didn’t know a lot of people that had more time. I joined that committee group, and those girls had become sober very young, were younger than me and all had 3-5 years of sobriety. I got involved and called people, making myself feel awkward. I called someone who I didn’t know that well and told them I was having a hard time. They walked me through it, and then it wasn’t so hard the second time. I sent a mass text to about 25 girls saying, “I’m having a hard time,” and those girls set up a girls’ night for me, and we all went out.
Right now I am deciding what I want to do in the future. I didn’t know that I wanted to work in the recovery field. When a posting for an alumni coordinator position came up, I was actually having a really bad day, but I decided to apply. The job I already had was a good job, and they tried to keep me on, but they couldn’t pay me enough to not take the new position. Once I got it, I knew I’d be perfect for it. I love it, and I’m trying to grow in it. I’ve grown the program as much as I can by myself, and I really enjoy it. My days may be long, and I do a lot of work, but it’s enjoyable work. I don’t think, “Oh, I have to go to work.” I just get up and go and enjoy my day
My husband is still sober, and he works in the recovery field also. He is a halfway house manager for the IOP that we went through. We both work for the places that helped us stay sober to give back. Both of us staying in recovery is not common. Now that I work in the field, I see what they were telling me. I’ve seen spouses, girlfriends and boyfriends come and go, or one comes and goes, and one has to let go of the other.
My family also enjoys my recovery. My dad and my sister came and surprised me for my first-year medallion. My mom won’t come in February for my three-year medallion, because it will be snowing, and she’s afraid to get on a plane. She did promise to try to come, because my sisters tell her about the closure seeing me get a medallion provides. I sent her my first-year medallion, but my sisters tell her it’s not the same as seeing me at a meeting, hearing people saying nice things to me and watching me receive a medallion that I really earned. My family knows I am sober, because I work in treatment, but it’s not the same as being with me I person.
I have twin sisters. One is married, and one is not. The single one just jumps on planes and comes to visit me sometimes. She came a couple weeks ago, and it was nice to be able to take time off to spend time with her. She helped her roommate get into treatment this week, and at first I said, “I’m sorry you’re going through this again.” The situation brought me back to when she had to go through it with me. She said, “Why would you be sorry? I wouldn’t have the skills I have if I didn’t do it with you.”