- Drugs
- Faith
I started using speed in March of 1975. I was 12 years old at the time, and the coach of the sports team I was on handed me some tiny white pills and said, “Take these. You will perform better.” He was right, I did. I loved the way they made me feel, and that day my life was over.
For the next 33 years almost everything I did was driven by that drug. I gave away my first wife, my two sons and three homes for that next high. My life became a living Hell. I went to prison six times, ran with a gang and committed almost every crime there is to get my drugs. I spent 1996 to 2008 homeless in a tent in the desert, when I was not in a prison cell. My bottom was not prison and was not losing my homes. I knew I had hit bottom, when I was sitting alone in my tent. I was crying that I did not want to get high anymore, yet I was loading the pipe and doing it anyway.
My girl told me that I needed rehab, if I wanted the relationship to work. I figured that I would go and get a tiny bit of clean time to make her, the judge and parole and probation happy. I planned to get out and start all over again, but, while I was in treatment, my best friend got off parole and decided to get high “one more time.” He died in his truck in that desert. His wife pushed his body out of the truck and went and got more dope, before she called the Police and told them he was dead. Two days later my bunk mate in treatment went home. He was found dead in a fast food restroom with a needle in his arm two hours after he was released. During this time my sister drank herself into a coma that she never recovered from. That was when I decided that I did not want to go out that way.
I owe my life today to my higher power who had a better plan for me, the men in my support group who taught me how to live and everyone who prays for the addict who still suffers. Today I have over 5 years clean, when I couldn’t manage 15 minutes clean before treatment. Live free, live clean. A better life is just 12 steps away.