- Alcohol
- Drugs
I am a grateful recovering addict. My name is Colleen, and I am here to tell you my story. I will not dwell too much on the past because it’s all about the present.
I was molested at a very young age by a family member who I am now not ashamed to say was my father. That continued until I was about 15, and I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I always thought that this was normal. I started smoking pot when I was 10. Next came the drinking, and I had my first blackout when I was 14. During this time I was still an honor student at school.
At age 23 I moved 3,000 miles away and still had not told anyone what my dad had done to me. I got settled in California and met this guy who introduced me to cocaine. I had never even heard of this drug before. It was great. I loved it and did it for about two years before meeting the love of my life: crystal meth. For the next 13 years crystal was my best friend. I was still with the guy who introduced me to coke, and he was very abusive. His oldest son raped me. I told no one because I would lose my friend crystal if I did. He was the drug dealer.
In 2000 the guy I was with died. I was finally free of the abuse I had been praying to God to take away. In 2000 I became homeless and lost my job which I had never lost during my addiction. I had never lost a job; I was a functioning addict until the end. On September 11, 2001, I quit doing crystal. I said to myself after the first plane hit the tower, “All these innocent lives were just lost for no reason, and here I am killing myself.” I never did crystal again, but my addiction doesn’t stop there.
I did not know that alcohol was a drug. I got really heavy into the bottle, so I decided to move to San Diego. I didn’t know anyone there but moved May 30, 2001. For the next six and a half months I was still drinking and homeless. I finally got on my knees and surrendered on December 11, 2002, which is my clean date. I was never jailed. I went to 12-step rooms on my own. During the first three years of my recovery, I lived in sober living. I got a job when I was two weeks clean and stayed at that job until the placed closed June 15, 2013.
I do not want any judgment on this next part I am about to tell you because what works for me might not work for you. I have had two sponsors, but they didn’t work out so I said I didn’t need one. Staying clean has been easy for me. I never once thought about going back out until a very close friend of mine who was like a mom passed away. I lost it, but I found a support group and reached out to all my friends. Everyone held on to me until the temptation to relapse passed. When I was still using, my mom, dad and grandma passed away, and I never got to mourn them. I am so thankful for 12-step meetings. God willing and one day at a time, on December 11, 2013, I reached 11 years! Thank you all for letting me share.