- Drugs
Although I went to treatment and to a sober house, I was still hurting myself physically through mutilation and bulimia. Both of these led to a relapse that put me back in treatment. I was not willing to get better because I believed that I was not worth recovery and that, for me, sobriety was hopeless. This belief led to a longer relapse that ended with me being homeless. My turning point was when I had nowhere to go and was to ashamed to turn anyone. Something had to click in my head, and when it did, I finally took suggestions and found the program. The rest slowly fell into place.
By the grace of God and people in the program, I was able to get back on my feet, get back into a halfway house, get an amazing sponsor and start working the program for real this time. I finally understood what true willingness and readiness for recovery was. I was doing well for my first month of sobriety, and then I became deathly ill. I learned what true faith and perseverance are as I survived. God gave me yet another chance at life. Early recovery was not an easy thing for me to accomplish, but I don’t believe that it is supposed to be easy. It took hardship to get to where I am today, and surviving hardship is what strength is.
I learned to never give up and that I am worthy of recovery and love. I am still learning to be comfortable in my own skin and to handle life with grace. Throughout the rest of my life, I know I will face unbearable troubles, but God will give me the strength I need to get through them. I have resources and healthy coping skills now. I also know that although there will be difficult times, there will also be wonderful, beautiful moments. If I go back out and use, I will never be able to enjoy any of those.
Life is not perfect today, but it is fine, and fine is good. Fine beats being homeless, sick, tired and hurt every day. I have two loving parents, a wonderful sponsor, a great extended family, a job, a shelter and God. I know that if I keep doing what I’m doing, things can only go up.
I want everyone out there to know that you are not alone. Someone loves you, and everything is going to be okay no matter how rough the situation may seem. There are far greater things ahead than any you leave behind. It is possible to live life with inner peace.