- Alcohol
- Mental Health
No one ever wants to admit defeat. It is not in our nature. What makes it even more difficult for people like us is what we do. We are the ones going in and giving aid, support, sacrifice and sometimes even our lives to save others. We are supposed to be the invincible ones, and for the most part, we are. But ultimately we are all human, and we act and react differently to situations both on and off the job.
Pressure, stress and pain are pretty much unavoidable in all forms: physical, mental or a combination. How we deal with these stresses, such as by self-medicating or isolating, can separate us from our families, loved ones and careers.
Since most of you don’t know me, here’s a brief history. Some of you might be able to relate to my story or know somebody who can. I grew up in a middle class home on Long Island, attended good schools and was active in my community and successful in my career. I was also a functioning alcoholic for 30 years. In my mind nobody knew about my drinking. I was great at hiding it, or so I thought. However there was always talk behind my back by family, coworkers, friends and the guys at the firehouse. I choose to believe nobody would suspect I was a drunk. I was, after all, a firefighter, station lieutenant, assistant chief and then chief of department, and we were all supposed to know better than to drink on the job or any other time it wasn’t appropriate.
The addiction and the progression of the disease brings all things to an end sooner or later, and more times than not, it’s a bitter end. Things like marriages, families, jobs, friendships and my fire service career are lost or at least strained to breaking points.
After 17 years of service I was asked to resign because of my addiction and lack of desire to get help. I continued to drink, and it progressed to the point of me going to detox and treatment for the first time. I was not successful with my sobriety. After my 28 days there, I was still not ready or willing to accept that I simply could not drink like other people. I relapsed. I spent the two years in a drunken fog and was completely miserable. After two very dark years in my life that included detoxes, seizures, hospital stays, legal issues and living as a non-person, I was finally able to see that if I continued on this path of destruction, I was going to die. Alcohol had defeated me, and I had to admit to that.
I finally reached out for help, got into a residential treatment facility and did six months of inpatient treatment. I completed this successfully and have not found it necessary to drink since July 13, 2011. Sobriety provides an amazing feeling of freedom and spirituality that I have never felt before in my life.
One of the biggest things I could not let go of was my embarrassment, disappointment in myself and shame. I was ashamed that I had to resign my position as chief and let go of my fire department membership after almost 17 years of being a part of something that meant so much to me. I was not willing or able to make the right choice to save my position. Drinking was more important than my career and family. I now see that if I had addressed my addiction years ago and sought the help that was offered to me, none of this would have happened. However it is my story, and I can’t change that. What I can do is share my message to others, reach as many people as I can and get them the help they deserve. It doesn’t have to be this way for anybody else who has an obsession with drink or drug. There is no time like the present to make a change in your life.
There is nothing more rewarding than hearing words of encouragement and support from the people in your life about how you turned your life around and how they want nothing but the best for you and your future. A majority of them are the ones who were talking about how much of a loser you were not so long ago.
Help is available today to just about anybody who truly wants to start their lives over again or can see a pattern forming and wants to get help before things progress. Addiction crosses all lines and genders. It also can affect our loved ones. Taking the first step isn’t as hard as you think, and the rewards are priceless.