- Alcohol
- Faith
I grew up in a fairly rough part of North London. I have a younger brother and I can remember from an early age being very restless and irritable. It was like I was always searching for something, although I could never figure out what that ‘something’ was. I got into a fair bit of trouble, mostly for fighting and stealing.
Then, at 15, I discovered what I thought was my solution; alcohol. I got a taste for it very quickly and in no time I was drinking far too much, far too often. To the dismay of my friends, family and girlfriends I would do outrageous things while drunk and very often had no memory of what I had done. At first blackouts scared me, but I soon began to enjoy the oblivion. Many times I woke up in police cells, with no idea what I had done that time, and I ended up sleeping in doorways in North London at the end of my drinking. The insanity was that, despite all the chaos I caused, I still remained convinced that the problem was not my drinking, but was the fault of everyone and everything else. I drank as soon as I woke up to get rid of the shakes and kept telling myself that life would get better, with no real clue as to how it would get better.
In February, 2013 I discovered a 12-step fellowship. In the rooms I discovered that I was powerless over alcohol and soon came to believe in a power greater than myself. Although I was a cynical atheist, I soon began to trust in that Higher Power. I took the steps, read the Big Book with my sponsor, and life got better. I had a relapse over the summer of 2013 but I am sober again and back in the rooms.
Life gets so much better in recovery and is a life beyond my wildest dreams. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone who is considering getting clean and sober, it would be to take that first step. You will find so much in recovery; friends, a new life, a support network, and you will also find a happy joyous and free life that you deserve.