- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
Merriam-Webster defines LOSS as the following:
- Failure to keep or to continue to have something
- The experience of having something taken from you or destroyed
- The act of losing possession
Almost from the beginning, I have struggled with the notion of loss.
When my son David died of addiction at the age of 16, I was so blinded by my grief that I was incapable of seeing beyond the sudden and seemingly irrevocable absence of his physical presence. The touch of his hand, his breath on my cheek, the sounds of his voice and his impish smile that never failed to melt my heart and bend me to his will had been my constant companions, and now he was gone in the blur of an instant, irretrievable and beyond the scope of this mortal existence. I railed against the powers that be for taking him away from me until I was overcome by my own addiction and forced to admit that I was not only powerless over drugs and alcohol but also over life and death as well.
I sought treatment at the same place David did, found recovery and slowly began to reconstruct my view of life and of loss and death. I embarked upon an odyssey to live a new life free from drugs and alcohol and complete with an emotional and psychological spirituality that knows no bounds. This spirituality is not unlike the universe of the big bang theory as my life in recovery expands exponentially, bringing me to new understandings and wisdom. An integral part of this new wisdom is knowing I never “lost” my Dave; he hasn’t been “taken from me.” He is part of me on a plane of existence I was incapable of feeling, seeing or understanding before. He is part of my spirituality and my higher power, and, as such, I seek his companionship, wisdom and intercession on a daily and sometimes momentary basis. I hear his voice in the struggles of a young man early in his journey of recovery and feel his strength in a sponsee taking a six-month token. I see his smile in the face of a young woman who has just realized she is not alone and in the hope of two parents who have lived in fear of their daughter’s addiction for far too long.
Today I have hope, joy and gratitude for the continued presence of my son who has and is showing me the path for recovery from my own addiction and new understandings and appreciation of life.