Surrender to Win
As the late Joseph Campbell has said, “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
I leapt forward with both feet; I raised the flag to surrender. To make that jump was one of the toughest decisions I have ever made. It meant change, letting go of a very powerful ego while knocking my pride aside. I was so scared to do anything different. Deep down I was lost, and sensed this was what it feels like to give up. As a matter of fact, I had begun to think something was wrong with me.
Why can’t I beat this thing? Why do I want to keep doing something that hurts me? That is all I could think about. I was listening to the silence when all the sudden my intuition spoke to me, asking “What do you have to lose?” I let go of all the excuses that would stop me from making this lifestyle change. I began to respect the unknown instead of fear it. I believed it was possible to make this enormous transformation in my life.
When we play a game it is to win. The object has always been to win. I changed my life so drastically it felt like losing. The disease of addiction tried to tell me this. My phone stopped ringing. I did not know what to do with my time anymore. Before, I spent my time and money on my addiction. I had no clue how to do anything else.
Surrender felt like it sounds. It took some time to see it from a different perspective. Relying on my own merits did not seem like the better option. I started to find new things to do. I built interest in talking to other people. Those who had been through what I was dealing with were happy and smiling. They had a light in their eyes. I remember looking around thinking, sobriety has worked for them, so why not for me? I began to pick up pretty important tools from those around me. It gave me some strength to start building a foundation.
I love this concept because it is really awesome to pass it on to other people. Most of us come in feeling embarrassed, ashamed and angry. The “track record” is usually causing a lot of problems if not all of them. I feel empowered by recovery. I share this with the people around me. To start from one side of the spectrum and end up smack dab where I am now is a huge blessing. I like to help alleviate some of that tension when there is doubt about what is possible on the path of recovery. It is what you make it, and if you put nearly as much effort in recovery as you do in active addiction the results will astonish you!
I am still shocked to this day how “throwing in the towel” has brought so many wonderful things into my life. You see, I lived with this very strong preconceived notion that life sober would be boring. Today I have a full life. I have found strong spirituality on this journey. I have built a relationship with myself. For a long time I did not know my self worth. Now I recognize my worth, and know I deserve the best. Wonderful people that care about me and treat me well are in my life. They want to see me succeed and help me to be the best version of me. They give me inspiration and lift me up. My life is full of abundance and it is all thanks to giving myself a fighting chance by walking away.
If anyone has interest in sharing his or her story please let me know. It would be my pleasure to help in any way possible. You can find me under “Hillary Angela” on Facebook or you can e-mail me at: hillbelk@gmail.com. This includes family members and friends affected by addiction. Those who are personally affected by the disease are strongly encouraged to share because you are real life heroes!! Your story can help someone else going through the same things and realistically could save someone else’s life. You can also submit your own story through our amazing website.
Thank you so much for stopping by to check out the blog!
My very best,
Hillary