- Alcohol
I have been on my recovery journey for the past 12 years. I have been sober after a relapse since February 11, 2010.
There are a few positive changes I have seen in my life since I have been in sobriety. I have figured out how to forgive myself. I learned how to embrace who I am and love me. I have also stopped beating myself up for all of my past. I was really good at blaming myself for my past and around my second year things started to flourish. I let go of those self-defeating feelings.
What led me to recovery was a life of unmanageability. I had two DUI citations in less than a year. My marriage was horrible. We met when we were drinking, so we really did not set ourselves up for success. Mentally, spiritually and physically, I was bankrupt. Emotionally, I did not have anything I could give anybody. I was miserable.
There was this guy at work who was in the program and he kept telling me how good sobriety was for him. One day he asked me, “Do you want to get sober?” I told him, “yes.” He took me to a meeting. He was so full of life and still is to this day.
From that day on, I have learned a lot of truths through this process. One being the foundation I built my recovery on. It is still a guiding force that needs to be maintained daily. There is a passage that reads, “selfish, self-centered, self-will run riot” and states, “invariably we found we put ourselves in positions to get hurt” that phrase helps me to remember some more truths. Such as, all the choices I make either bring me to a position where I will succeed or put me in a position to get hurt. Which one am I going to choose? What are my priorities? What are my motives? Through my relapse I experienced what my decisions do to me and how I get resentments. I relapsed because of my resentments and if we don’t watch out they can kill us!
I am very proud about how well my relationships with my family are going today. It feels good when the family wants to have you back around. For a long time, they didn’t want anything to do with me. They want me to get engaged and we are a family now. What else makes me happy is meeting one of my personal goals. I went from having a one point- I don’t even know GPA to making the dean’s list! It is just pretty cool, because in my past I never studied for school.
I struggle with procrastination and a combination of other things. If I keep doing what I have done, I will keep getting what I always got. One of the ways I overcome my struggles is by knowing how it feels to get things done. This may be selfish, but the way it makes me feel helps so much. For instance, I feel great when the house is clean, bed is made and dishes are done, or when I get the A in my class. It feels good even doing something nobody thought I could do.
I find motivation to be a great tool as well. It is something I have worked really hard on for the last year. I have motivational stuff all over my walls. If I hear a good quote, I am going to type it up, print it out and put it on my wall. The effort I put in is the effort I get out. This helps me to stay motivated! The people who get the things everybody wants, goes to the length to get those things that nobody else did. It is just like the process– we are not saints. We are not perfect. It is not going to happen today. It is going to happen when we get up and put one foot in front of the other. Just do it!
I am now pursuing college and currently on the dean’s list! I graduated high school with a two something GPA. I drank my way out of college. So I never put any effort into school. Now I have, and I see what I am capable of doing today. I have a real future!
I have picked up a lot on this road. Someone shared with me that this was a program of suggestions. They don’t tell you to do anything but there are a number of places in recovery where the word “must” is used. I overheard somebody say that (and I really don’t even know who that person was) but I went and found all the musts and I started seeing what I had to do. So that coupled with the truth about putting me in a position to get hurt. That is some different pieces of advice that have helped me.
You can get sober. One of the things I worked on really hard this past year was eliminating the word “can’t” from my vocabulary. All things are possible. I can do whatever I want to do. The only thing holding me back is me. You can obtain whatever you want.
“Old man Rusty” talks about this in meetings– sobriety is a lot like peanut butter. There is not a right way to describe how amazing peanut butter is. It is impossible to put it into words. When you have it you know exactly how awesome it is. For the person that doesn’t think they can get it, there is an amazing richness that is going to come from being sober and you can do it! We have proven it hundreds and thousands of times over that we can. The amazing truth that we hear all the time: “Trust the process”. Just be willing, that is huge! Believe in yourself. Don’t ever, ever give up!