- Alcohol
- Drugs
Life is pretty good for me these days. It’s full and rewarding. Outside of work I’m also a husband, father and youth pastor. When I’m not doing those things, I enjoy coaching little league sports. Unfortunately it hasn’t always been this way.
I want to tell you what life can be like for someone with no support, no help, no chance and no hope.
I’m going to give you some highlights of my life. I don’t want you to remember the bad stuff I’m going to talk about. What I would like for you to focus on is how good a life of recovery is, that it actually DOES happen, how good God is and what He’s done for me. For me it is truly all about Him!
I was born to drug-addicted, alcoholic parents. For the first year of my life, I was passed around from aunt to aunt, from friend to friend. This instability would remain with me for many years to come. By the time I was four years old, I had lived in at least five different states. My father had been sentenced to a very long prison sentence. At age four my mother married an abusive stepfather who was also an alcoholic. I can remember smoking marijuana with my mom at age four. Yes, four years old, and yes, with my mom. I can only begin to explain the pain that drugs and alcohol caused me over the next 27 years.
My early marijuana use with my mother was sporadic and had pretty much stopped by the age of eight. However by this time, I already understood the mood-altering effects of using this drug. I also knew the effects of alcohol, as my stepfather would sometimes share his beer with me. Even though I had no idea what addiction was, I had already fallen victim to this devastating disease.
I became a rebellious, troublesome child. I had my first run-in with the police in second grade. Over the next few years, I often found myself stealing marijuana from my mother and beer and liquor from my stepfather. When I was nine, a friend of mine spent the night, and the next morning we stole from the in-house bar and headed to the school. When we got there, we drank the liquor and became very intoxicated. We broke into the school and caused several thousand dollars’ worth of damage. We actually got caught while still inside the school. This was the first time I had a gun pulled on me and the my first of many arrests. What I remember most about this was that it didn’t scare. I remember wanting him to pull the trigger. I remember being a lonely, lost, hopeless nine-year-old boy.
A year or so later, I was in trouble for stealing bicycles among other things. By the age of 12, I had my own connection for marijuana and was often getting drunk. At this age I was skipping school on a regular basis, and when I was there, I often got into trouble.
A month or so before my 13th birthday, my stepfather was stationed in Hawaii. This is when true trouble began. After moving there I quickly became connected with the drug scene and the wrong crowd of people. By the time I was 14, I had done cocaine, mushrooms, pills, LSD and anything else I could get my hands on. I was fearless. I was hanging out with a much older crowd and dealing drugs to my peers. By this time I had also experienced my first inpatient stay at a mental hospital.
By 15 I added methamphetamine to the long list of drugs I used. This was also the age when I was held hostage by drug dealers. I escaped with my life after overhearing a conversation about where they were going to dump my body. By 16 I had officially quit school, was living on my own and was using drugs heavily. I also did my first prison sentence at 16. By 17 I was smoking crack on a regular basis and doing any other drug I could get my hands on. At 18 I was a full-blown alcoholic, drinking beers to wake up in the morning. I also served another six-month jail sentence and did a court-ordered 30-day inpatient treatment program. At 19 there was another six-month jail sentence. At 20 I landed in a North Carolina penitentiary where I turned 21 and 22. At 24 I was back in prison for getting five DUIs. Two were related to alcohol. The others were because of prescription medications. Before I was sent back to prison for these charges, I found myself in a heart trauma unit fighting for my life after being stabbed in the heart over a drug deal gone bad. This resulted in open heart surgery and five stitches in the bottom of my heart.
Over the next six years, I accumulated several more arrests including another DUI and a class A felony for trafficking marijuana. Considering my prior record, this charge should have given me a 20-year prison sentence, but I was not convicted. By the time I was 30, cocaine had nearly claimed my life twice. However at this time, my true drug of choice was methamphetamine.
Not only was I intravenously using this drug on a daily basis, I was also making it. I was in a full-speed downward spiral of which the only end would be jail or death. Thank God it was jail!
At age 31 I once again landed in jail with several serious felony charges. I had a $300,000 bond and was facing 10 to 15 years in prison. My life was truly in shambles, worse than it had ever been. I was physically, mentally, financially and spiritually broken. I had hit my true bottom.
My life might have seemed hopeless at the time, but I was about to go through the greatest change I would ever know! Beaten, broken, hopeless and lost without a doubt, I lay in that jail cell praying for a way out. Through the anger, resentments, tears, rage and emptiness, I cried out to God, “Here I am Lord. I’m lost and I feel all alone. I’m hurting far worse than I’ve ever known.” I heard a small voice say, “Take my hand Richie. Let me help you grieve. For your salvation all you must do is simply believe.”
I can’t explain the peace I felt inside that day. In my heart I knew that everything would be okay. I still had a rough road ahead of me, but from that day on, I lived for Jesus Christ and whatever happened was His will.
After my last arrest and spending over nine months in the county jail and over half of that in solitary confinement, I thought I was fixed.
I turned my life over. I thought I was going to court and going home, but I was sentenced to another 18 months in prison. This turned out to be exactly what I needed. I was able to spend over a year in a long-term treatment program where I got the tools and clean time I needed. This is where I was first introduced to peer support.
I finally got out in November 2007. Since then I have gotten full custody of my children who I once lost and was told I would never get back. I’m happily married. I’m a youth pastor. I have my driver’s license after having it “permanently” revoked. I now have over eight years totally clean and sober and have been living a successful life in “mental wellness.” I love it when people tell me that I can’t do something. This motivates me, because I know better, and I love a challenge. I don’t even have bad days anymore. I might have a bad five or ten minutes, but if I can recognize it, put it into perspective and deal with it right then, I don’t have to let those few minutes ruin or determine the rest of the day. Some problems are so small they don’t even deserve my time. All they deserve is to be let go.
There is no doubt that addiction was the root of all my problems. I never had anyone to offer me help, no one to tell me about a better life. That’s why I’m here: to spread the message of hope. There are no hopeless cases.
Since starting my newest job, a new chapter is being written. The support I’ve received has just been amazing. My position has become another pillar in my recovery. The training that I’ve had the opportunity to receive has been great. Most important are the people I have the opportunity to work with, people that are struggling in some of the same pits I used to struggle in. If I can be a small part of helping someone find their hope, happiness and joy, I am the lucky one. Hope, happiness and joy: Everyone has the right to that!