- Alcohol
This woman is my sister in sobriety. We both have a deep yearning to help people affected by addiction. The first time we sat down for lunch, we ended up spending the whole afternoon together talking about life and the changes that have happened to us over time. I feel a great deal of energy since I have gained self-awareness, and I pick up the best vibes from Karen! Thank you for sharing a little piece of you with us!
I have been in recovery since January 24, 2010, one day at a time.
I am now present for my life. I used to operate on autopilot 80% of the time. Today I feel like I’m living my life instead of living in yesterday or projecting into the future.
I’ve been a “functioning” alcoholic since I was a teenager. In my teens and 20’s I was reckless. In my 30s I started “managing” my drinking as my career took off. In my 40s my need to “manage” my drinking became an obsessive thought pattern. I’ve always been in public relations or sales. In my late 40s, my disease manifested itself in isolation. I became less comfortable in my own skin, unable to engage with people as I had in the past. I would put off anything that was unpleasant or required me to feel in favor of numbing myself. Eventually I sensed that I was nearing an abyss in all aspects of my life. I hit an emotional rock bottom.
God gave me several gentle nudges to get my attention. One Thanksgiving my friends were unable to go pick up their 14 year old in another neighborhood because they had both been drinking. That left an impression on me. My son was 11 when I entered recovery, and I made it that far. I never wanted him to be in a place of vulnerability because of my drinking. Whenever I met a woman in recovery, I would say to myself, “Good, she can be my sponsor someday.” I knew it was just a matter of time before I had to quit.
There were many tragic circumstances in my youth that were out of my control. I always thought, “If you had my life, you would drink too.” I’ve learned through my recovery that these experiences don’t define who I am. They are simply experiences. I’ve been incredibly hard on myself, much harder than I would be on any person I loved or cared for. As corny as it sounds, I’ve learned to appreciate myself, to love myself. I am proud to own who I am. I know that God uses me as his instrument. I haven’t lived this life for naught. I am present and aware and take action when it’s appropriate. I’ve learned that I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for. I’m a better parent, friend and member of my community.
In early recovery I never understood why people with 20 years of sobriety would still come to meetings. I mean, come on, haven’t you gotten it yet?! Now fear will sneak up on me if I’m not working my program. This disease doesn’t go away. You get a daily reprieve based on your spiritual condition. The obsession of drinking was lifted years ago which is a miracle. I’m grateful for the tools I’ve been given in recovery to live my life. It’s wonderful. I thought I was the only one like me. Come to find out, I have brothers and sisters all over the world! I’ve never been more at home than when sitting in a meeting.
I’m now doing things that I always wanted to do but didn’t trust myself to do. Now I really don’t think too much about it, I just do it! This is the life I always wanted to live. I’m becoming the person I always wanted to be.
Recovery is for people who want it. You can do it a minute at a time. It is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life and also the most enriching, life-giving experience. You only have to do this once! The roller coaster ride in the beginning comes to an end if you don’t pick up or use. That is when the miracle happens!