- Alcohol
- Drugs
Toni started drinking at age 14. She was a blackout drinker from the beginning, and she always drank with older people who drank the same. When she couldn’t remember what happened the night before, others would say, “Oh yeah, that happens to me all the time.” So she thought that was simply a normal part of drinking. She was the only child of very young parents who divorced when she was just 13. She stayed with her mother. These two women today have an incredibly close relationship, but that certainly wasn’t always the case. She and her dad have a good relationship as well.
Early in her drinking career and in a drunken stupor she lost her virginity in the back seat of her boyfriend’s car. This is not what she had planned as a little girl growing up. She was dropped off at a party where she found everyone having sex with each other. To this day she is unclear how, but hours later she came to with another guy having sex with her. At this point she lost all sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Promiscuity and pregnancy follows her until she entered recovery in 1991 at the age of 21.
Toni claims irresponsibility from the beginning. She did not take birth control seriously and would simply forget to take her pill. She utilized abortion as her method of birth control. Her promiscuity claimed the identification of the father to a few of her pregnancies. One of these boys wanted to rescue her from herself. They dated a couple years in high school but she was a cheat. Looking back she recognizes that all of her relationships overlapped, she has never been alone. Having remorse for her choices, she has no regrets. Her painful life experiences have allowed her a unique opportunity to help others deal with the feelings of shame and guilt, along with terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair. It is one of the greatest possessions she has.
Toni’s alcoholism soon led to the use of marijuana, LSD, cocaine, PCP, and crystal meth. She had been arrested for drunk driving on three different occasions. Each arrest was followed by an extended stay at an inpatient drug/alcohol treatment facility. After appearing in court after each arrest, she was always placed on probation. However one arrest during her high school years included false information to a police officer with the refusal to take the breathalyzer. This resulted in the loss of her driver’s license. She wasn’t reinstated until she was into her second year of recovery. She was however granted a weekend in jail after her final DWI arrest.
Each treatment facility was followed by a geographical relocation – to another state, to a halfway house, to an Oxford House. Third time was a charm for Toni. She started attending 12 step recovery meetings and met some other young people who were also in recovery. Still drinking between meetings, she met “him”. Now, she was willing to go to any length to get what he had. He and his sobriety motivated her to quit drinking between meetings, it was then the seed was planted. They married after 3 years in recovery. Their relationship has been full of highs and lows, adding two amazing children who are now 15 and 13. They used to joke about saving for rehab over college. As a result of the choices she made during her using years in regards to her former pregnancies, she was certain she would be denied and punished to a life without kids. She says the best day of her life was when her first child was born. God gave this child an amazing spirit who makes good choices, wonderful friends and is in a place spiritually Toni still has yet to achieve.
As her daughter reached the age Toni started acting out, she was sure to stay close to her sponsor so she didn’t project her experiences onto her. Both her children have generous and loving souls and have blessed her life beyond explanation. Her husband has lived in recovery with a few periods out. However four years ago he was diagnosed bipolar and properly medicated. He has been on his own journey to discover his truth. When they married, they expected they would live a life in recovery. However his journey has changed the dynamics of their social life and challenged her in different ways giving her opportunities to grow in other areas. The obstacles that are overcome make their marriage stronger. Not always easy, they continue to find a “new normal” that works for them.
When Toni meets someone at their turning point, she likes to challenge the person to look at their path and ask if that is direction they want to continue and live. She will always encourage one to have “Smart Feet.” She explains, “If you have smart feet, they take you to healthy places; your head and your heart will catch up. Who cares what your motives are. Take the proper action no matter what you are feeling. Feelings aren’t facts. They are real, they are God given and therefore they are good. However we have distorted the display of them for so long and we have allowed our choices to be made based on those feelings often leading to poor judgment. Take the right action. Your head and heart will follow.” Today, Toni still attends three to four meetings per week, has a sponsor and is a sponsor. She now works in the recovery industry to help families, friends and others achieve sobriety and live a healthy, productive and happy lifestyle. She is no longer living in the problem, but is always looking to live in the solution.