- Alcohol
- Drugs
I’m 55 years old and I came from an abusive family. My dad used to beat my mom. They divorced when I was 6 years old. I started using when I was 13. At first just drinking and smoking pot at first, but then came all the street drugs.
My sister and I also were drug dealers selling acid for a motorcycle gang, and always getting high. My mom put me in an institution when I was 14 for a few months but that didn’t help as I went right back to using. Drug overdoses, DUIs and jail or just hanging out in the bike club where the drugs were always available were my norm.
I got myself in a lot of situations which I didn’t want to be in. Once my friend and I were drugged and kidnapped for four days and raped and beaten by some guys we met. It was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through. We were threatened with guns and one pointed it to my head and said if I don’t do this I will be shot. They let us go after four days and we never reported it because they said they would kill us and our families. I kind of thought it was my fault in a way because I just wanted the booze and drugs. After that happened of course I didn’t stop using I needed the drugs and booze to numb my feelings.
I used so many drugs, by the time I was 17 and I wanted a clean break so I moved to Toronto, Ontario thinking “I don’t know any one there so I can start a new life”. I got there and thought “what the heck? It’s so big anyway” so I started working in a real estate company– one of the biggest in Toronto because the lady I rented a room from was the boss.
I did well for a while but then I got bored and went to a bar and I actually met people from my home town then the insanity began again—drinking, drugs and more. I swore to myself that I would never stick a needle in my arm but I did speed, cocaine, and almost heroin. I stayed up for days doing speed and could not come down.
I continually had blackouts, ending up in places or with someone I didn’t know. When I got fired from my job as a cocktail waitress for drinking on the job, I left there and stood on the edge of the pier and was going to throw myself in Lake Ontario until someone stopped me and talked to me. It was then that I knew I needed help. I called my mom because I knew our family friend Marlene was in a recovery group and knew she could help me.
My mom came up to Toronto and helped me pack some clothes. On the way home on the train we talked and at the time I was on the drug Antibuse to help me stop drinking but I still had drinks on the train. We immediately went to Marlene’s to see what I could do. I got so sick from drinking because I was on that Antibuse–and if you drink on it you get really sick.
Marlene set up for me to go into rehab. I went a few days later. At first I hated it and thought I didn’t belong there but after about two weeks I ended up loving it and the women and counselors that were there. I stayed for six months because I was so sick.
I came in to recovery 30 years ago stayed sober 6 years before I met someone and had my son Jacob who I am so proud of. Jacob will be 27 in December. I left that relationship when Jacob was three. I had been in and out of recovery groups, and I got a few years here and there and went back out. A few more abusive relationships plus the vicious cycle of addiction still happened.
One time I just was fed up and I decided to kill myself. I drank rubbing alcohol and the weird thing is Jacob skipped out of school that day and instead of partying with his friends he came home and found me unconscious. I went to hospital and I did die but they resuscitated me. I was in ICU for one week with tubes all through me and lost my sense of smell and taste for 6-7 months and had brain damage.
My life is sometimes messed up, but I have nine months now. One day at a time. I have been through hell and back but I am such a positive person and I know that God saved me because He had a different plan for me. I hope my story can touch at least one person, because this disease wants to take all of us.
Thank you for letting me share some of my story. Love you all.