- Drugs
- Mental Health
One year ago on November 27, 2013, I walked into the emergency room and told them I was contemplating suicide. I am an addict, and I desperately wanted to stop using, but I couldn’t stop despite my best efforts. I knew I needed professional help, and one of my “earth angels” told me how to get that help. I was 32, jobless, without a driver’s license, living with my parents, stealing their things for my high, trading my dignity and self-respect for addiction, hopeless, scared, ruthless, angry, depressed and all around a broken girl. I began attending 12-step meetings on October 23, 2013, and heard a lot about seeking God and His guidance. I began to inquire, “How do I go about this?” and followed up with, “He’s never answered any of my prayers.” I’d only ever begged Him to help me recover from an all-night binge knowing darn well I was planning on another that very same night or asked Him that I not be pregnant this time when I had no plans of using protection the next time.
While leaving the meeting on November 27, 2013, I told my sponsor I needed help, and I wanted to stop using. I used meth, weed, Xanax and alcohol. I told her I’d done research, and rehab wasn’t anything my family could afford. She said, “There’s help available if you’re ready.” I said, “I’ll do anything.” She drove me to the emergency room, told me what I needed to say and stayed with me until they made her leave. I have several women and men who I will refer to as my “earth angels” who I know were sent to deliver messages to me from God, and she is certainly one of them.
The emergency room admitted me and transferred me to a behavioral health center on November 28, 2013. I began my relationship with God on December 3, 2013. I was complaining to another patient about tossing and turning and needing “something” to help me sleep, and he looked me right in my eyes and said, “You should pray about it.” His response overwhelmed me and brought me to tears. That night when I laid down, I talked to God like we were old friends who needed to catch up with each other. I told Him things I’d done, things I’d witnessed, things I was ashamed of. I apologized for my empty prayers prior to this moment and told Him I was ready to live His will for my life. I needed His guidance, and I would go wherever that took me.
A sober house accepted my application, and I became a resident on December 12, 2013. I have learned so very much about the disease of addiction and about myself. My relationship with God comes first. I talk to Him every morning, throughout the day and every night. I have an amazing job where I’m in senior management, and I have a work permit to drive until February when my full license is reinstated. I paid for my auto insurance and tag for the first time in my life (yes, my mom was the best enabler) which is sad and great at the same time! Each month I pay my rent on time and other bills before they’re due in most cases.
My transformation is not only amazing but also miraculous, and I promise it is possible, and you can do it if you decide you want recovery! Everything is possible, and I’m proof! Changing my thoughts changed my life. I used to despise waking up. Now I have wonderful mornings. I thank God as I’m turning the alarm clock off and continue praising Him throughout my day. Any time my thoughts turn negative or unappreciative, I STOP all activity in my brain and simply say, “God, I thank you. Please give me the strength to make it through today.” I know it seems unbelievable, but by stopping negative thoughts before they begin and praising God instead, I live in positivity and amusement every day. I have a new appreciation for everything in my life. Now that I have a relationship with God, I can’t imagine a life without constant contact with Him. His love, forgiveness, grace and mercy flow freely in and out of my life.