Food for Thought
I learned how to cook with a baby on my hip, a toddler crawling around my feet and sometimes a phone (the kind that was attached to the wall) jammed between my ear and my shoulder. Many of those early efforts would have failed entirely without an extremely patient mother-in-law on the other end of the line. We didn’t have much money so cheap was a priority and easy was a bonus. Even though I liked to think I was committed to providing good nutrition for my family, the food groups were often represented with a box of macaroni and cheese, a can of tuna and some frozen peas thrown in to make me feel good about the whole thing. As the years passed my cooking budget and skills did improve, but I never developed a passion for it. However, I had people to feed so I cooked.
Even though I didn’t have much interest in cooking I did have a passion for meal time. Eating was an event in my family of origin, and one of the things I loved most about sitting down to dinner was reliving very early childhood memories. We sat at the table and spent time together over food. When our kids were little it was mostly about teaching them manners and trying to keep the spilling of milk to a minimum, but as they got older it turned into a time for conversation and connection. Sometimes the topics were serious, checking in about the day and trying to answer big questions about life, but most nights there was just a whole lot of laughing and smiling over how to use “the Force” and how Neo would stack up against Yoda in the Matrix. Eating was fun, and it usually felt like it was even more fun if there was extra cheese involved. We all seemed pretty healthy and everybody seemed pretty happy with what we were eating, so I kept dishing it up without much concern for the nutritional value of what we were actually consuming.
As my kids got older and started to drift away into addiction, meal time was one of the first things to suffer. They were rarely present at the table and if they were the quality of the conversation degraded until it nearly disappeared. Dinnertime got quiet and uncomfortable. Eventually the kids were just gone and there were only two of us sitting at the table again. Turns out I eat pretty big when I’m happy, way too big when I’m stressed, and almost not at all in crisis. I nearly stopped cooking altogether for a while there because I felt sick most of the time, no matter what I ate. It was yoga that finally brought me back around. It was one of the only things keeping me sane and I started to notice a strong connection between food and how I felt during my daily (especially during rigorous and heated) yogic practice. I was going to have to eat better to feel halfway human, so I started cooking for my health. I wasn’t eating all that much at first, but it was high quality food that was in fact providing nutrition for my body and mind to function properly. And even though it was still one of the most stressful times of my life, I did start to feel much better physically.
When our kids got into rehab and eventually into sober living on the other side of town life got crazy busy. We were driving all over the place for various meetings and family outpatient therapy so fast food was often the only thing on the menu and it started to take a toll. We were starting to heal mentally and emotionally, but eating and health habits came in low on the list of priorities. As our family slowly edged into recovery, and eventually back to the dinner table, I was determined to recreate some of that dinnertime magic with favorite recipes from the past. We weren’t eating out of a bag so much anymore, but most of the old feel good standbys still left me feeling like I had a rock in my stomach and a strong desire to do nothing but lay on the couch for the rest of the night. It’s ironic that your body doesn’t seem to know any better until you start to do better. Creating a healthy point of reference and raising my awareness about the effects of nutrition on the brain and nervous system changed the way I thought about food and the way I felt when I ate.
Even though I’m well informed these days I still struggle with consistency when it comes to healthy eating. I still love all of the bonding that can happen over a meal and I must admit that I do still love extra cheese. I don’t always make the best choices, and sometimes I make choices that I regret as they sit uncomfortably in my belly. I am, however, aware and constantly working toward improving my eating habits and overall nutrition. There is no denying the connection between healthy eating and wellness. There is also no way to deny the connection between eating disorders and addiction. I know many people who have found themselves in recovery because of an unhealthy relationship with food, and many others who have found themselves in an unhealthy relationship with food because of their need of recovery. Nutrition is a subject that reaches far past the addict and the alcoholic, it applies to everyone. If you want to heal, if you want to feel good for the long haul and have access to the energy you’ll need to be everything that you were meant to be, you’ll have to pay some attention to what you’re putting into your body for fuel. Everything that we consume has an effect on the physical body, on every system and every organ, and that most definitely includes the brain.
Food, what you choose to eat, and the resulting physical effect have an impact on what and how you think. We rationalize, we joke, we might even make some plans, but they keep getting pushed further into the future. Many of us have become so addicted to certain foods and eating patterns that we can’t even recognize the body’s cries for help. It might take a lot of intention to make a change, but it doesn’t have to take tons of elaborate planning. I love the practice of looking at whatever you’re about to put into your body and asking yourself if it’s medicine or poison. It can be that simple. If you’re honest with yourself, nearly everything falls into one of those two categories. Either it’s good for you or it’s not. You already know the answer because your body is always trying to tell you what it needs. Start to listen. Drink more water, eat less junk, start with what’s most obvious and you’ll start to feel different. Once you’re giving your body more of what it’s really asking for you’ll start to think differently about food and making good choices will get easier. The changes you make don’t have to take anything away from the fellowship and bonding that can happen over a meal. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy cooking or going out to eat, or that you can never taste any of those old favorites again. Like everything else in recovery it’s about learning to take care of ourselves. We’re learning to listen to the part of us way down deep inside that has been silenced by habit. We start thinking different thoughts. We start paying attention, recognizing the truth, and nourishing every part of who we are and eventually finding balance.
You can help BREAK THE STIGMA by sharing your story directly by visiting Heroes in Recovery and mention Marta sent you. OR you can contact me through email [marta@wellnessmeetings.com] with your information and I can help you through the process.