Finding My Inner Warrior
I have always been a person that has sat on the sidelines and marveled at athletes and their amazing abilities. Deep inside, I had always wished that I was adorned with that God given talent. I grew up with an older brother that was a natural born athlete. Baseball, basketball, football, it was all second nature to him. Oh, how I admired him and his abilities, but I always seemed to fail at all the talents he succeeded in. My father tried to get me to follow in his footsteps but I always failed in comparison and never could find my niche in the athletic field. My first memory of fear associated with physical sports occurred in kindergarten. I remember always being picked as the first kid to break the line in Red Rover. “Red Rover, Red Rover, let Bo come over!” The anxiety still stays with me to this day! I was too short and evidently never had enough speed and momentum to break through. The irony of that scenario was my truth through my adolescent years when it came to physical sports and even life. I loathed PE classes, worried that I would not be able to perform a certain task or being that pitiful kid that was always picked last for team sports. Looking back, I accepted my shortcomings when it came to physical sports and I avoided them.
Being the shy, sensitive, youngest child of my family, I gravitated to the arts. Music was my passion and it was encouraged by my parents. Growing up I had classes in piano, voice, dance, drama, but my most favorite experience was band. Yes, I was the typical all-American band geek. I had found my niche and I was good at it and eventually went to college on a music scholarship. One aspect of the marching band world always fascinated me. That was the color guard. You know the flags and rifles that spin together with amazing precision. I taught myself by watching and experimenting with these pieces of equipment in my back yard for hours at a time. This was my physical sport that I could excel in. I marched in a drum and bugle corps and won a world championship in my early twenties. I eventually taught the activity at local high schools, winning numerous state championships. My groups performed in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, the Fiesta Bowl Parade, and in Hawaii at the World War II dedication. My winter group even won two Winterguard International World Championships in the mid-nineties. The activity consumed my life for thirty years. There was always an expectation to create something new and different. My way of creating was using drugs fueled by alcohol. I thought every person in the activity needed a little extra medicinal spark to open their mind to explore that tiny part of your brain that fosters creativity. Throughout the years, my tolerance for the drugs and alcohol increased. After thirty years of participating in this activity, I was a full blown addict and treatment and recovery was my only option.
Today, I am looking for that new physical activity that my body needs. When I got sober, I focused on my mind and spirituality. Being that awkward, non-athletic kid, I ignored the physical aspect of sobriety. When I was chosen to be a Lead Advocate for Heroes in Recovery, I was given a gift that I myself did not realize until I started attending their 6K events. My first event was amazing! It opened my eyes to the spirit, camaraderie, and strength of the participants who came together to make a difference in the recovery community. It was truly inspiring. Most of these people were not superior athletes and I am sure there are a couple of them who were even picked last for a team sport as a kid. However, they were truly in recovery by encompassing the whole mind, body, and spirit.
In Atlanta, at the 2015 Heroes in Recovery Summit, I had my “aha” moment. I had the privilege of participating in a recovery yoga class. As I stretched, sweated, and contorted my body into unimaginable positions, I was humbled how the whole process was a spiritual experience. I realized that my body needed this type of nourishment to grow. My recovery was missing that one aspect! So in August of 2015, I joined a gym. I joined not because my doctor advised it or that it was the thing that everyone did, I joined because it was going to be part of my recovery. I vowed to continue the journey of encompassing my mind, body, and spirit in every aspect of my sobriety.
Many people have asked me if I plan to get back into the creative world of color guard. I have passed on many opportunities because the activity creates too many triggers for me at this point of my life. The pressure to create and design being sober honestly scares the hell out of me. I still enjoy the activity and actively adjudicate events, but that is as far as I am able to participate at this moment in my recovery. Thankfully, recovery opens your eyes to new ventures and discoveries to build a more rounded individual. Goals are important to set in recovery.
So, my next goal is to be an active participant in all of the Heroes in Recovery 6K events in 2016 that I can attend. So as I embark on this new road, I am excited and a little fearful of what will happen. I have faced many fears in becoming sober, so at least I know I can face this. So as I enter the gym to begin the process there are few things that I think of that encourages my process. I will think of that amazing athlete, my brother, who I lost many years ago to the disease of cancer, and I will find my inner warrior!
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When you share your story, you can inspire others to break the stigma associated with substance abuse and mental health issues.
Much Love,
Bo