- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
submittted by: Susanne Johnson
Childhood did not present Christina with much of addiction or alcoholism problems. Family members did drink, but she felt not really affected by it. She was never drawn to it herself. Her problems started as she met her husband of 15 years. They were dating for four years prior to their marriage and alcohol always played a big role in his life. Things got progressively worse over time and from occasional alcohol abuse it turned into an alcoholism that ultimately destroyed their marriage.
Her husband was sober, so to speak, for certain phases in between the marriage, but according to Christina he never found the happiness and joy that comes with recovery for others. He never felt the freedom from the liquid, addictive substance during his sober times, but was struggling all the time. He lost jobs, got in legal troubles and family life turned into problems. They have a child together, and Christina always wanted this boy and had planned to be a mother and enjoy a good bond with her son. Instead of being home and caring for her child, she had to become the breadwinner of the family at times and still holds today some resentment about not having the bond to her son and giving him the childhood experiences that she had planned.
Loving her husband, she tried to help him in any way possible. She knew she was enabling him at times, and admits that sometimes she still does even now that they are divorced. She did not know how to help him and tried any way possible that she could think of. They tried to send him to treatment and therapy, which always resulted in periods of sobriety, but never in a long-term success for him. She even tried “If you can’t beat them, join them” and was drinking herself for a while until she saw the insanity in this and gave that up right away again. She gained more insight into the disease and got a master’s degree in the drug and alcohol field and started to work in the treatment industry. Finally she left him; in retrospective it was the right thing for her to do.
They still have contact, and her boy sees his dad often. Christina still wants the best for her ex-husband and wishes he would find the help he needed and relief from his struggles with the disease. She is worried about her son moving in the same direction, because of his heritage and being exposed to it, and pays attention to it.
“Be patient”, she says. “Time goes so fast. A month is nothing, a year is nothing. Take the time it needs to do something positive for yourself and your life. Do what it takes, and take the time it takes.”