Living in the Moment
When my son’s addiction first presented around ten years ago, I was a different person than I am now. Back then, I was a self-critical perfectionist who was very impatient and always on-edge. I would obsess about the tiniest things and overreact frequently. While others saw the proverbial glass as being half-full or half-empty, I looked at the glass and wondered why someone didn’t do a better job of cleaning it.
My therapist labeled me a “catastrophizer” during our first session, because I routinely anticipated the worst possible outcome for just about every situation I was in. I was an expert at expecting disaster. To me, a pessimist was just an optimist with experience.
But over the years, as I experienced my son’s addiction, and the other issues associated with it, I changed. I’m not sure exactly what changed me. Maybe it was the therapy, or possibly an actual semi-conscious decision on my part. Or maybe it was some kind of miracle. Maybe God looked down on me, saw what horrible shape I was in, and finally said, “Enough is enough.” Whatever the reason, I’m just grateful it happened.
I have learned that living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is really the only way to deal with life, no matter what the circumstances are. Whether you’re dealing with health issues, difficulties at work, relationship problems, or car trouble, the best approach is to take things one day at a time. Yes, that old Alcoholics Anonymous motto may be cliché, but those four words amount to some of the best life advice you will ever get. (Sometimes, depending on the situation, I like to break it down even further and take things an hour at a time. Or, in some cases, even a minute at a time.)
Life presents us with all kinds of challenges, and one of the secrets to being happy is being able to deal with those challenges without losing our sanity. When we start worrying excessively about things, we start to stress out, and that stress can impact us both physically and emotionally.
But here’s a newsflash: Worrying doesn’t actually DO anything. Except make us feel miserable.
We need to do our best to stop worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. When we start thinking ahead or looking back, we oftentimes become trapped in those thoughts, and that prevents us from enjoying where we are right now. The better approach? Be in the present and savor every moment of it.
Is it difficult to transform from someone who constantly worries into someone who takes things a day at a time? Absolutely. But it’s so incredibly worth it. According to Psychology Today, “Mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. Anchoring awareness in the here and now reduces the kinds of impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression, binge eating, and attention problems. Mindful people can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened. They fight less with their romantic partners and are more accommodating and less defensive. As a result, mindful couples have more satisfying relationships.”
Who wouldn’t want to reap those benefits?
There are several ways you can start transitioning to living in the moment. Deep breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, practicing gratitude, and simply paying closer attention to what’s going on around you are just some of the things you can do to help yourself get in touch with the present. And when you are locked in on right now, your brain forgets to worry.
I remember very vividly an incident that happened right around the time my son’s addiction started. My wife and I bought an antique oriental rug for our new house, and when we got it home and laid it out on the living room floor, I noticed a small hole in it. I saw that hole and it was like my world had just ended. I completely lost it. I got down on my hands and knees and spent at least an hour examining the hole. I kept telling my wife that the hole was going to get worse, and that before we knew it we’d have to throw the rug away. I was a mess for days.
Ten years later, that rug is still on our living room floor. And the hole? It’s still there, too, but my crazy prediction of it getting significantly worse never did materialize. These days, every time I vacuum that rug I see that hole and remember the agony it caused me. And I thank my lucky stars that I have changed.
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you are in recovery, or if you have a loved one who is in recovery, please consider sharing your story on the Heroes in Recovery website. By sharing, you can offer hope to others while doing your part to help BREAK THE STIGMA.
You can share your story in one of two ways:
- Go to the Heroes in Recovery page, share your story directly, and let them know Dean sent you.
- Email me directly (dean.dauphinais@gmail.com) and I can help you through the process. Or we can talk on the phone and I can help you write your story.
Also, please feel free to share this blog or leave a comment below. I’d love to hear any feedback you might have.
Peace.
–Dean