- Alcohol
- Drugs
submitted by: Susanne Johnson
My name is Janis, and I am an addict. I have been using since I was 14 years old. It started with drinking and was followed by weed and then chemicals. I enjoyed chemicals the best so that’s what I stayed with. Somehow they gave me the feelings I wanted. My drugs of choice were cocaine, OxyContin, meth and benzos. I struggled with addiction for many years and suffered multiple consequences. I lost jobs, relationships and my home. I pawned everything I had so I could get my next fix.
I am 47 years old now and have been clean for 10 months. My two daughters really suffered because of my abuse. I robbed them of their childhood and neglected them very much. I am so sorry for that now. My oldest daughter barely talks to me even though I have made amends. She lives with her father. My youngest daughter has forgiven me. We are close today, and I’m grateful for this. My mother has disowned me and will not forgive me for the years of abuse. I am sorry to not have a relationship to her.
I have my partner Wayne and a handful of friends who support my recovery and sobriety 100%. They are gifts in my life. I look back on the years of my life that have been wasted and have a lot of remorse, but now I am stronger, and I am grateful for my home, my job and my friends who are my family now.
My biggest hurdle in recovery was letting go of old friends and playgrounds. I was alone for quite a while. The phone calls would come in from people from my past, and I had to ignore them all. I literally had to change my life completely.
I have relapsed over the years, but this is the longest time I have been clean. I am getting older, and I know I do not have another relapse in me. THIS IS IT. I want to live the rest of my life clean.
Books have helped me through this, and I tell any newcomer I meet to stay with it. Be strong, and look towards a future with a good life. Set goals even if they sound difficult. It really helps you get through.
I am grateful today.