- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
- Friends & Family
Start by describing the situation that changed your life or a loved one’s life.
In the summer of 1991, my husband did not come home. I was 35 years old and we had been happily married for eleven years. We had three children: a 10 year old girl and two 8 year old boys. My husband was a very successful home builder and I was a stay at home mom. I was not a woman that would tolerate a husband not coming home regardless of the reason.
He was dabbling with cocaine and drinking until the wee hours of the morning. This was beginning to happen about once a month. I told him to leave and not return until he had figured out a solution. Late that same day, he called to tell me he was entering a detox to fix the problem. I was blindsided but supportive. We would work together and fight this!
Based on your situation or story, was there a turning point that prompted the need for change or help?
By the end of the weekend with no calls, I was confused and frightened. He came home three days later; we both agreed we had overreacted. He and I could lick this on our own. Four months later the pattern reemerged. I started to go to a support group. Two years later we separated after he went to two rehabs and spent four months in a halfway house. I now had four children, ages 12, 10, 4 and one. I loved their father desperately but could not remain in the addictive loop of uncertainty. I felt relief and a feeling of renewed hope for the first time in two years. We could always get back together if he got sobriety under his belt.
How did you or your HERO get help?
The roller coaster of addiction continued in spite of my decision to separate. One year later and two relapses later, his company went under. There was no child support. I opened an “in-home” day care, taught music and swimming on the side, babysat on the weekends and drank heavily in the evenings. By 1998, I entered the rooms for almost six months.
My husband and I had gotten closer during this brief attempt at recovery. Everything was better and I imagined our family together again. Suddenly, without warning, he relapsed! I picked up a drink too because I didn’t believe I was an alcoholic. My husband was the problem, not alcohol! Four months later, he was dead. Killed in a homicide. My children were now 18, 16, 10 and 7.
Based on your experience, what lessons did you learn? Do you have any advice to give?
I had to claw my way into recovery. It took three and a half years and a pile of 30, 60, 90 chips. I acquired many “YETS” that I never would have believed possible. The final straw was driving in a “brown out” with my own child in my car.
If you or your loved one is in recovery, describe what life is like today.
That is when I made the decision to commit not to pick up, just for today. I got a sponsor and a home meeting. I followed direction, went to any lengths and let go of “contempt prior to investigation”. That was twelve years ago.
Last year I also went to Dallas to complete Y12SR leadership training. Yoga has enriched my recovery and life beyond words. The promises have all come true! I have been remarried almost 9 years to a wonderful man who is also in a 12 step recovery program. Our life is better than I ever would have imagined, my children and I have “thrived in recovery”, not just survived. Miracles surround us every day and life is rich with hope and purpose. I live an authentic life today! I am truly blessed.
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
I believe that addiction is a family disease. My mother was an adult child of an alcoholic that never found recovery. Her inability to cope with life on life’s terms set me up for entangled relationships in which I was caught up in the downward spiral of codependency. Families in recovery can break the cycle of families in addiction. We can walk through the “shame” of addiction. We can choose a different path. We can reach out for help. Our children do not have to live lives strapped in the shackles of addiction. We need to cry out for help and stand up for a life in recovery! We can be free!