- Alcohol
- Faith
- Friends & Family
I don’t know whether or not I was born alcoholic. I do know, however, that from my earliest memories I had the traits of inflated ego coupled with low self-esteem that are indicative of most alcoholics and addicts. I took my first drink at age 12 with the local “town drunk” and got in trouble with the police the same day. All that mattered to me, however, was that I had found a sense of ease and comfort that I’d never had before.
I was never a social drinker. I always drank for effect. I was a constant source of anxiety and trouble for my parents throughout my teens and early twenties, and I had tremendous guilt about this. Oddly, though, I didn’t consider giving up booze. I just kept trying to find a way to drink without creating havoc. That’s how important alcohol was to me.
After barely finishing high school by schmoozing with teachers and faculty (drunks can, after all, be charming), I was somehow accepted into a state university. With no parental oversight I quickly became a daily drinker. Even among college freshmen I stood out as exceptionally immature and undisciplined. After two semesters I flunked out. I went to summer school in an attempt to salvage my academic career. I drank uncontrollably there as well, and failed those courses too.
My distraught parents searched until they found a small Christian junior college that would accept me on strict academic probation. Under nearly constant supervision I was able to function as a student. This also gave me the dangerous misconception that I had become a functional drinker as well.
While I was at that school I met some interesting people. There were a lot of students who were committed Christians. They had something I obviously didn’t have, and I was intrigued. I began to get an idea that the solution to my problem might be spiritual in nature.
I said lots of “foxhole” prayers in those days, but mostly when I was hung over or in trouble due to my drunken behavior. When those situations didn’t work out in my favor I decided that God wasn’t interested in me.
After getting an associate’s degree at the junior college I returned to the state university I’d previously attended. With no supervision, and no control at all over my drinking, I rapidly began failing college again. By this time the effects of my drinking were becoming visible to anyone who saw me. I was sloppy, disheveled, extremely overweight, and smelled of booze at all hours of the day or night. I was 20 years old.
Three months after my 21st birthday I was arrested for DWI. My blood alcohol level was .26%. I was court ordered to attend a twelve-step support group. I was relieved. I could not make a decision like that for myself.
At my first 12-step meeting I was the youngest person by at least 12 years, and although it was a college town I was the only student present. Nevertheless, it was the first time I’d ever felt that I belonged. I was very hopeful until I heard people talking about God. I’d already tried that, and He wasn’t interested in me! However, these people were just like me and He’d worked for them. I tried to keep an open mind.
Unfortunately, when my court ordered meetings were concluded I decided I’d graduated. I set out on my own, confident that I could stay sober on what I’d learned.
I drank for eight months.
On October 3, 1984, I returned to the group. This time no judge had to send me there. I was desperate, I was broken, and I was ready. I did my best to follow the suggestions I was given. I got a sponsor, I worked the steps, and I began to develop a relationship with the God of my understanding.
By the Grace of God, and through the fellowship of the 12-step group I have not found it necessary to drink again since that day. It’s been over 30 years of a life that I never thought possible. I am grateful every day to God and the people He put in my life that have shown me how to trudge the road of happy destiny.