Finding Me
I have shared thoughts on breaking the cycle of addiction. Provided stepping-stones to eliminating destructive patterns. Ways to become a channel for change to occur. What it was like before I got sober and making the transitions necessary to successfully change lifestyles.
Finding me…. what an insightful journey! We all go through life trying to find what makes us tick. It is a truth that we go through ups and downs in my life. These things help us to grow and change with time. Everyone’s walk of life is different; the common thread that joins us together is the choice to have free will. For me, this process has brought me to a place where my soul is enriched and filled with something I searched to find for quite awhile.
I have gotten to a space where I am truly getting to know myself. I did not like myself for a long time. That was one of the hardest truths to admit. When I looked in the mirror I just did not know who was staring back at me. I believed other people could make me happy. Not realizing I had to find that happiness within. A scary part about finding myself was accepting what I could see in that reflection. It took walking away from my old life to begin accepting I was a scared sixteen-year-old girl. My emotional maturity stopped where my active addiction started. In the beginning stages of recovery, I was fearful of everything and highly sensitive. I cried a lot. Most the time not knowing why I was so emotional. All those feelings I had held in or drank into the deepest recesses of my soul were being purged. I was learning what it was like to undergo deep pain (soul pain). Once I confronted that pain, I was able to see more clearly. This would have been impossible without God, therapy, a wonderful recovery community, my family and friends. It was tough going through that period but I dealt with the feelings so naturally they passed. I felt so much lighter.
I set out to follow my passion. Recovery has given me the ability to move forward. I have aligned with so many amazing experiences and opportunities. I began to see the beauty around me and not the doom and gloom which once clouded my judgment. The idea of money does not drive me and ambition does not come from a lot of future plans. It comes from the heart. It is following a map that is drawn inside of me. It is the real stuff. My purpose is to help other people. We all have been given equal gifts and we get to decide how much we want to tap into these innate capabilities. The way I gained access to this internal guidance was by removing the barriers to reach it. Drugs and alcohol blocked me from a wealth of abundance.
I have come to realize also that addiction blinded me from seeing how capable I was to be a part of something larger than life. I had no clue what was in store for me. One of my most favorite things about following my true path is the fact I would have never expected it to go the way it has so far. I did not see a future for myself in fact I was settling for drinking everyday, the rest of my life. I truthfully don’t think I would have lived much longer if I had stayed on the destructive path I was on not so long ago.
God stepped in and showed me the first step. In fact God has walked with me on this path of self-discovery. I had to make choices to see it. Now I am appreciative to figure out new things about myself every day. I am grateful for all the lessons and blessings!
Did anybody else feel like this or is anyone struggling with the idea of who they are/who they would be without the substances? Could your behaviors or using patterns be blocking you from the life you have always wanted for yourself? Please share your thoughts!
I am a Lead Advocate for Heroes in Recovery. Heroes in Recovery is an amazing movement focused on helping break the stigma associated with addiction and mental health issues. This can be done by sharing your story of recovery and inspiration with others. The movement also includes Heroes in Recovery 6k run/walk events around the country to raise awareness and benefiting local non-profits and causes associated with addiction and mental health issues.
If you would like further information, you can contact me at hillbelk@gmail.com or on Facebook. You can also go straight to Heroes in Recovery.
We look forward to hearing from you!
God speed,
Hillary