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Gratitude For Life

Amy Cooper
| September 5, 2018

Most of my whole life I “thought” I was grateful. Yet, as I look back, I was also wanting more. Not needing, but wanting more.

My addict behaviors started very early in life

I became addicted to clothes, shoes and accessories that put every outfit together. I look at my closet now and it’s filled with gym clothes. My how things change. I was so focused on the outside, that I let my insides go without work.

After becoming sober from the drug abuse, I learned that it is an inside job. Meaning, I need to focus on my behaviors, actions, thoughts and communication. This focus will be part of my lifelong recovery. I remember being so defensive with anyone who tried to correct me. I thought it was an attack to me personally.

I took it personally because my ego ran the show in my life. I had no humility and surely no true gratitude.

“There is a big difference between saying thank you and true gratitude.”

I said thank you all the time, that is the way I was raised — manners and proper southern etiquette. I said thank you all the time but no meaning was behind it. Empty words for sure. I had no humility just an empty “me” mentality.

I guess it was around year two when I really started to grasp how humility and gratitude would play into my personal life. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I had gratitude for being home and being free in 2012. I was involved with my girls, with longtime friends and started feeling traction in where I fit in.

I started attending AA and I found a sense of peace. I found that to live life on life’s terms, it would take me admitting that I was powerless. It was realizing what true humility was and how to have it, and ego removed.

Something more importantly that I have learned over the past eight years is that I don’t need validation from anyone to inflate my ego. My validation will come from my higher power, God. My family? Well of course they are part of my self-worth, but at the end of the day it is about my rights and wrongs, my part in my choices I make and being accountable.

I don’t know about any of you, but being proud of myself for accomplishments and keeping a balance from ego and humility is something I work on all the time. I am so grateful for how far I have come in the past eight and a half years, also humble.

I remember when I first became sober I thought I had to prove myself. I held onto shame and guilt of my past and sought validation in the very beginning. I have found the more humility and gratitude I have, the less validation and ego I seek.

I would encourage us all to seek humility and to work on gratitude one day at a time. Having balance in our lives will keep our mind, body and soul healthy!

 

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