Growth in Recovery
I’m often asked how to proceed with sobriety and recovery once the first steps are over. We are clean, detoxed, got the idea, started living the life and all that. A lot of people get the idea that now it’s time to grow. But what does it mean?
For me, each person’s growth is as individual as each flower in my garden. Each one has a different height, color, shape, length, appearance and timetable for blooming. But God has a plan for each one of them. Once I got clean and sober for some time and established my stable network of support, help, out-reach and relapse prevention, it was time to look deep into myself to see which type of flower I am. I have to try to find out what growth God might have in mind for me. If I am doing the 12 steps at any organization, I’ve turned my life over to the care of God as I understand Him. Now I have to try to understand what He might want me to do and which direction I should go and grow. Am I the tall yellow big bloom, always in the center? Or am I the tiny bright purple blossom, hiding near the ground but powerfully keeping it all together?
I can grow spiritually within through meditation and prayers, seeking inner peace for myself. At the same time, I can grow in my social recovery life and help others to achieve sobriety, to reach out for help and to feel a little better each day. Often both of these things work very closely together. If I found a way to my own inner peace, I can share this experience with others. A while ago, I heard a friend say, “You have to love your sobriety as much as you used to love your drinking and drugging.” Today I love my sobriety, but it took me a long time to reach this point. At first, I was like anybody else. I did not start this journey on a winning streak and to just make this decision to get out of trouble and health problems. I had to do it in order to survive. I was miserable about it and mad at the world that I had to give up my drinking and everything. I thought that there would be no life after getting clean, no happiness and no joy. My growth brought me to the point where I could accept the fact that I was a drunk and a druggie. Now in recovery, I can be extremely grateful for this second chance at life that God gave me.
Back when I was in the hospital, dying, partially paralyzed and not able to speak or move, I came to believe that God must still have plans for me or I would not be there anymore. I wondered what these plans could be because I figured that in that state I was pretty worthless for humanity. A few days later, I started to speak and walk again. My brain damage repaired itself. I got renewed, which was a miracle! My growth and understanding started there, but it was totally unclear in which direction they would go.
I finally got clean and sober in a treatment center, with intensive outpatient therapy and 12-step programs. I learned one important thing about my new life. In order to know which direction my growth should go and will go, I have to be open minded, willing and honest. My biggest obstacle in my early days was that I always said, “I’m not religious.” I found out that I really meant to say, “I’m not interested in churches.” I have always believed in God. I just have a different opinion about religion than most churches and therefore am not too keen to sit there for an hour and listen. To grow spiritually, you do not have to be a “church-aholic.” I have heard it said, “Religion is for people who do not want to go to hell, and spirituality is for people who were there and do not want to go back.” Either way can be fine, as long as you believe in something and it allows you to grow like a flower. Do not let it scare you off. Today I am open minded and active in different churches. God is everywhere and he’s the same one. I can do good things anywhere.
The growth in your social life may be easier. I started to be just a little bit friendlier to the people around me. I decided that my new life should be a happy one. In order to be happy, I must have a good relationship with people. I used to hate most people. But liking people wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. And I found out quickly that a smile on someone else’s face could make me smile too. Learn to give, and it will come back to you. Life is an echo sometimes. The 12-step program taught me family values for the first time in my life. These were skills that I didn’t have. I learned to be honest, even if it hurts myself but not if it hurts somebody else. Life is still trying to teach me humility. Good luck on that. I was never humble but I’m open minded and willing to learn.
Your personality will grow also. Believe me, many people will notice it! You will change from a pretty unreliable, often obnoxious, loud, mad, depressed, angry and dirty individual to a pretty and valuable member of society. We change from takers to givers and from demanding to earning. This didn’t happen all at once. It is a process, not perfection! One of the nicest compliments that I got from an old-timer after a speaker meeting was when he told me, “You came a long way, lady!”
Our health grows too! I still remember in the first year getting my blood test results every month and seeing how everything in my body was improving more rapidly than I could imagine. It made me proud and happy. I knew that I might have a chance to live now longer. I could do sports again. I did not mind the hot sun so much anymore, my immune system got stronger and I got fewer colds. Even my allergic asthma improved. Only God knows why that happened, since that really has nothing to do with my liver. I simply didn’t need many medications anymore. My anxiety left, my crying and depression are gone and I had no headaches and hangovers. I’m not saying that all this will necessarily happen to you, but it did happen to me and my doctor today just smiles when he see me. Even he can’t believe the improvement just because of one thing: I left that poison called alcohol out of my body.
Unfortunately for most of us, our butts grow! I had sugar cravings and all of a sudden I started eating instead of being on a liquid alcohol diet. Watch it, be mindful, train more and be active! I caught it quickly and just bounced around a few pounds up and down. There is no need to give into these sugar cravings after you survive the first month or two. Eat healthy and stay happy.
In Palm Springs, California, the city where I finally got sober, there is a meeting called the “cornfield meeting.” It’s called this because the corn in the middle of the field is always more protected and grows stronger and higher than the others. If you get in the middle of a nice sober group, your growth can be easier and stronger as well.
Nurture your sobriety like it is a very precious flower. You want it to grow and bloom. It is not that difficult. But when you get sidetracked with your old life and forget to feed it and water it, it will get sick and someday die. Then you may look surprised at the dried flower and have to start with a seed from scratch. That is a lot of work caused by one day of forgetting to give the flower some water of prayers and attention. Keep up the maintenance and you have a chance of a worry-free blooming life.
Please continue your growth today and ask yourself which direction the sun is. If you are not at that point yet, pick up the phone and ask for help. That would be your seed. We are happy to help you find your direction.
Susanne Johnson
Lead Advocate
Heroes in Recovery