It’s Worth It
When time arises to make a decision about getting sober or not, many people face the same obstacles that built a brick wall in front of me on my path to the future. I had the fear of the unknown, the unwillingness to crawl out of my comfort zone and face facts, the lack of hope and zero knowledge about the recovery process itself. But I had discovered one essential thing: the strong desire to live.
Through the years of my recovery, I have met so many people who have lost that desire to live. The next fix or the next drink seems to be more important than staying alive. That is what the disease is doing to us. I have spoken to people who even wanted to kill themselves but didn’t pull the trigger because the desire to go to the next liquor store was stronger than the wish to die. The drugs kill us anyway if we don’t fight them. But why do people lose all desire to stay alive? It’s because they are desperate and the situation seems hopeless. But suicide is 100% preventable! Most of us need help. Help is available, and at some point we can’t help ourselves anymore. The disease of addiction is way too strong for one single human being to overcome with willpower. This is what most of our relatives and friends can’t understand. We can’t just quit even if we wish to from the bottom of our hearts.
I decided that I wanted to fight for my life. I wanted to stay alive, no matter what it takes. Life was hopeless, worthless and dangerous at times. I was in hell, lonely and lost. I almost died in the hospital with varices on my esophagus and internal bleeding. After this, I decided that I wanted to live. I wanted to fight for my health. I wanted to be free from drugs, alcohol and chains. I wanted to be a phoenix rising, to be free and to be a better person. I promised myself that I’d do my very best to follow each piece of advice that I’m given. The process was slow. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it! I committed to life everyday a little more. I got active in my recovery. I rode the waves of my emotions as I learned in my treatment center classes, and my fight was a little less hard every day. But there were lot of tears along the way. After a while, my obsession to drink and drug was taken from me, and my happy life could begin. I didn’t have to fight anymore as I passed a liquor store and I could eat in a restaurant with a bar attached. I didn’t break out in a sweat anymore if I saw a cold margarita on the table, and my mouth didn’t water when I heard a can popping.
I’ve gone through lots of pain and tears. I learned so many things on this journey. I am happy today to share my experience and strength with others as a speaker, through articles and especially as a lead advocate for Heroes in Recovery. I know that there are so many out there who are in the same place where I was. Your life is special. It can be awesome and happy. The ups and downs of life don’t disappear with sobriety, but you manage them a lot better than you ever did under the influence. I lost my moments of anxiety and panic attacks. I lost a lot of my fear and anger. If I laugh today, it comes from my heart, not from a drug. If I cry today, it gives me relief and doesn’t make me hysteric. If I love today, I feel it.
My life was worth it. I’m positive that your life is worth it too. Look into yourself and think of the great moments. Do you want them back and to have them get even better? It is not an easy path but it is possible. Let go of your past, let go of misery and lock your fears out of the room for a moment. It is time to reclaim your life, embrace it, evolve and grow. Heroes in Recovery is there for you if you need help, as well as many other facilities near you. There is no right way. There is only the way that works for you. You might have to try a couple ways before you find out which program is best for your needs. But you and only you get to make the decision that your life is worth a fight. If you are ready for it, there will be people helping you. Why are they doing this? It’s because we got help to stand up when we were falling down. But we have to change our way of thinking, our behavior, our playgrounds and our friends. We often even need to cut contact with some family. You may hear sentences like, “I had to change everything about me but my name!”
Sobriety will take priority in life. It is a lot of work, a lot of baby steps and mini Lego bricks that form a giant building. Make your past your asset and your strong foundation to build a new life on. It is not as difficult as you might think. I have learned so many tools and tricks during my treatment and during meetings from therapists, sponsors and friends. If you learn to listen, you will have a giant step forward.
Please look at your life and see the blooms and blossoms, the laughter and the love, the people who love you and the things you like to do. Your life is worth being lived. I love the air I breathe and the adventures that are waiting for me. You can take an umbrella to hide in the storm or you can learn how to dance in the rain.
I can’t change the world. I can only change myself. I can change my reaction to the world. I can live my life today in sobriety and have fun in great company. I try to share with you the adventures, hobbies, travels and activities that I do today to show you what a great variety of things a sober life has to offer. Besides my health and my freedom, I have all kinds of benefits today in my life. I won’t try to change you. You have to do that yourself, if you wish to. But I can share with you that my life was worth saving. My life is worth living. I have unbelievable fun in my life! I have hope today! And you can do the same. Contact me and I’ll be happy to help you to achieve a new life! It’s worth it! Follow me on Facebook and see the things that are possible in sobriety. Go fishing, go sailing, go running or go skiing. The world is waiting for you. Make a list of things you want to do and work towards those things. Sobriety opens doors. Don’t close them.
I’m so grateful to the people who helped me to get to the point where I am today. I was not able to reach it by myself! Failure is only possible if you stop trying! So give it your first try or another try. Just don’t give up. Your life is worth it! You are a hero!
“WE CANNOT SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS WITH THE SAME THINKING WE USED WHEN WE CREATED THEM.”
-Albert Einstein-
Susanne Johnson
Lead Advocate
Heroes in Recovery