Just Reach Your Hand Out
Weren’t you scared Lisa?”
This is a question I was just asked by a friend still struggling with her addiction. The answer was, “Oh my God, YES! I was terrified!” This started my mind racing. How many more ladies are out there scared to death? How can we help them see that recovery is possible?
“If I ask for help, it means I’m weak, dependent, or a failure!”This is one of the many thoughts that were constantly going on in my head. Why is it so hard for us ladies to ask for help? I was afraid to be seen as a failure. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like a terrible mom, a terrible wife.
“I can’t go away for 30 days, that’s just not possible! What will happen when I’m gone? The kids! The house! The chores! What will my friends think? Will they dump me? What will the neighbors think? What about my siblings? Will my children be embarrassed by me? What will my boss think, will I lose my job? How will I live? What will I do for fun? Will it ruin our whole social life? It’s not fair to my husband to have to change his whole life just because I’m a drunk! Will I lose my family? Will my husband leave me? I would leave me! I have to do this on my own. No one else has any idea what I’m feeling, so how could they possibly know what’s best for me?”
Thinking in these ways is part of the depressed thinking habit which helps sustain and reinforce the depression habit spiral. They include unrealistic all-or-nothing and perfectionist elements or reflect stereo-typical cultural attitudes. In actuality all my family wanted was for me to get the help I so desperately needed.
I didn’t like to be alone. I wasn’t always physically alone, but I was mentally. This is isolation. What else do you do during those times but drink? I was unknowingly, and at first gradually, drowning a slow death. Suddenly it seemed I was struggling to merely surface and gasp for my last breath. Just what this disease wants is victory, to take it all, to consume every last ounce of my being until there is nothing left. Like gravity the downward spiral starts gradually and gathers speed quietly until the hurt, the lies, the pain, the self-hatred, the just wanting to run away piles too high!
“It would be best for all if I was just gone!” Why? Because I didn’t love myself, I didn’t even like myself! I refused to accept a compliment as I didn’t believe it, didn’t want to hear it. I wasn’t grateful for everything that was around me.
“I love my family more than anything! I can’t leave! I want to see my beautiful, wonderful children grow, be there if they need me, go to their weddings, be a grandma! I love my husband. We said we would grow old together. He’s my best friend! How did it get to this point?”
It hurt so badly, but I knew I had to take this gamble and go to rehab. There was no other way; it was either that or die! It was time for me to stop taking care of others and take care of myself no matter what it took, no matter what the outcome.
I’m proud to say it’s been three and a half years now that I’ve been on this incredible sober journey.
Has it been easy? No! But the positives and pure happiness outweigh the negatives over and over. In these last three years, two of my daughters married! One beautiful granddaughter was born, and I have a stronger relationship with all seven of my children and even a stronger relationship with my husband of 32 years, John!
I have also taken up running in my recovery and have run the Richmond Marathon, the New York Marathon, and just completed the 2015 Boston Marathon! I do all this to help myself, but it is of equal importance that I am raising funds and increasing awareness to help others still out there struggling.
Please don’t be afraid to ask for help. You will never be alone going through recovery. It took me years to accept the truth. Addiction is a disease and not some moral weakness to hide from others. The pleasant surprise, the amazing realization it took me almost too long to realize, is this: We all have family, friends and amazing support groups out there who want nothing more than to help us, guide us and support us in our desire to be well. Over the last three and a half years I have been blessed to meet so many amazing individuals who are dedicated to sharing the good news that, “You can kick addiction to the curb! You do have supporters out there! You will be happier than you ever thought possible once you truly make up your mind that you are worthwhile as a human, you deserve a better life and you want to be sober!”
Just reach your hand out, and we will be there for you!
No more silence, no more shame. Addiction is a disease, you are not to blame!