Let’s Paint On The Drawing Board
“Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye”
– Dorothy Parker
When I was in active addiction it consumed all of my time. I had no outlets other then partaking in my addiction. I have truly enjoyed the art of figuring out what I want to spend my time doing. It has been a learning curve to figure these things out along the way. What was once a very tight spot became a wide-open space. I lived a very narrow path that geared me toward the most boring and inevitable outcome. I felt heavy most of the time, and could not see the bright side in anything.
My creativity has been flourishing through recovery. For the first little while I had no clue what I was going to do with my time. I had to unlearn old behaviors and explore new ones. When I had a lot of time on my hands I started picking up more hobbies. I began making jewelry because it felt good to give gifts that I personally constructed. I enjoy reading books and doing research on addiction. I appreciate the fact I get to see all these new things/learn through uncharted territory. I constantly have new stimulation in my life.
I fuel my recovery with a lot of positive understandings about the idea that in this position I am in I get to continually reinvent myself. How could you go back to a life of addiction after experiencing so many wonderful moments of complete and utter rawness? I hid for so long, worried about so many things that today truly don’t matter. My spirit has grown so much through my creative energy.
The substances blocked me from a connection to all that mattered. It took me away from life. It drained my body and slowly crept into my soul. I see it in my old pictures; I was pale and had sad eyes. So naturally with a pulse coming back into my limbs and light shining through my eyes I began the process of awakening.
It has been a very interesting transformation. Lets call it a delayed wake up call. It has happened over time through many events and circumstances. I have a thirst for knowledge and a deeper understanding of how interconnected everything is.
This year will mark the 6th year I will be sober at Christmas. I am very excited and grateful to be spending the holidays free of all the negative consequences I used to experience this time of year. I have money to spend on gifts. I am not trying to work around my drinking money or make plans around my holidays due to being hung over or feeling depressed. I get to let all my creative energy flow, fully be in the Christmas spirit and no longer saturated in the delusion that I could successfully live in active addiction.
It is a great feeling to use my unique skills to make recovery very personal. I have not shared any of my poetry through this blog so here is a little glimpse of me!
Bubbly
It is that time of year and things are in sight,
I have come out of the haze and into the light.
No more stumbling and drunken nights too,
Just me hanging out and yelling God that’s all you!
Life around this time of year is merry and bright,
This little lady is filled with delight.
I have a soda water or three,
Dressing it up with lime and a little cranberry.
So blessed and grateful I am for this nice drink,
It keeps me alive and able to think.
A clear head and a spirit that glows,
Gives me a good feeling and keeps me on my toes.
So Happy Holidays to you and yours,
I hope everyone has a splendid one and finds the right cures.
I am a Lead Advocate for Heroes in Recovery. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog. I blog with 4 other amazing people please check out their blogs, too. Heroes in Recovery is a movement designed to break the stigma associated with addiction and mental health. We do many things to support this mission including asking people to share their recovery stories with us. We also host various events around the country including our Heroes in Recovery 6k run/walk series. These focus on working with communities to raise awareness and break the stigma and motivating others to get involved.
You can visit Heroes in Recovery or reach out to me on Facebook and I can personally help you get started.